Laugh at Yourself First: The Witch King's Sword, Episode 12

Read “The Witch King’s Sword,” and more short fiction, scripts, and very little poetry at Laugh at Yourself First.
pauljuser.blogspot.com

Jingle bells. It took me a couple weeks to write this, because I’ve been more of a grinch than usual this year, and I’ve been trying to not take it out on anyone. It took me this long to cram all of my whining into one single, manageable sentence I’ve already tricked you into reading. Take that, sucker. In retrospect, this would have been a great year had it not been overshadowed by the single worst event I’ve had to experience in my life. GWAR Christmas carols and LIFE narrated by David Attenborough instead of Oprah helped to make the holidays a little brighter.

I hope it brightens your days that Laugh at Yourself First is two years old now. I’m celebrating with the final Episode of the Witch King’s Sword, in which Hook reaches Doom City, and the Dark Man leads Valentine and Chloe away from the pursuing Glithvals. All 12 will recap from January 1st-12th in case you've missed anything. The Salvation Shark resumes 1/14. I’m putting the finishing touches on a story called, “K’Tloo.” For certain people, I don’t need to say any more. The rest will understand. If you’re here with me in Binghamton, stay inside. It’s cold. Thanks for reading.

-Paul
printisbetter.blogspot.com

Read "Here in This Sorrow," and more short fiction, scripts, and very little poetry at Laugh at Yourself First.

pauljuser.blogspot.com

If you’re here with me in Binghamton, your children may have watched Mega-Force in school this week. This quintet of strongmen go to elementary schools and rip-up phone books and teach kids how to stand up to bullies. I learned of the group from a friend that was angry when he took his son to the evening event that revealed the strongmen to be ordained pastors that passed out donation envelopes, imploring parents them to contribute hundreds of dollars, because no price can be put on saving a soul. My immediate, knee-jerk reaction was that my friend and I should do what he and I did as kids: go to the next event and make asses of ourselves. Thankfully, we’ve grown up a little and can see the truth in what everyone but Slayer says about pens and swords.

I can’t complain too much about what Mega Force does, because their operation is likewise a fairly accurate description of my unrealized plan for my elephant play, Danglehorn. Undoubtably the story forced on school-kids my radical belief in equality between people of every creed, sex, and species. However, I based as much of the story as I could on the scientifically observed behavior between elephants and rhinoceroses. Even similar, my Day Job also takes me through elementary schools to put on on sophomoric performances as well. However, my employer is a legitimate business that pays the schools for the right to have me called "Picklehead" or "Chickenbird" by hundreds of unruly children.

As far as I can tell, Mega Force doesn’t do anything out of line in the schools. Not until later do they reveal their full name, Mega Force Ministries, and convince impressionable children they will die in suicide pacts unless their parents donate hundreds of dollars immediately. 2012 may prove me wrong, but I still don’t believe we are in danger of crowbar-twisting thugs seizing power and abolishing the right to free religion. What upsets me is that in these times of economic ruin, these thugs are exploiting schools for thousands of dollars to promote their opinions on the Hereafter at the expense of the taxpayer. Imagine how quickly Americans would cry 'Terrorist' if Mega Force were Mega Muslims. Thanks for reading.

-Paul

printisbetter.blogspot.com

Laugh at Yourself First: Here in This Sorrow

Read "Here in This Sorrow," and more short fiction, scripts, and very little poetry at Laugh at Yourself First.
pauljuser.blogspot.com

I've been so busy planning for my Man-In-Sea show this past weekend that I entirely forgot to mention I had something new for December. Not 'new,' exactly. Here in this Sorrow was my first novel, and until recently was available through printisbetter books. If you've read the story already, don't fret. This version is in HIGH DEFINITION!! If high school was tough for you, and/or you devoted yourself to the Misfits, Here in this Sorrow is the book for you. Chapter 1 runs until December 15th, and the end of The Witch King's Sword, Book 2 posts Christmas Eve. The Salvation Shark, Here in this Sorrow, Witch King, and a lot more resume in 2011.

If you're here with me in Binghamton, I went to Boston this weekend. The ladyfriend and I attended Bazaar Bizarre at the Cyclotron and saw many handmade (not homemade) items eagerly purchased by hipsters. Johnny Spaceman and his theramin were not present this year, but I did meet some cool writers from the Boston Comics Roundtable. Then, we ascended the cold and rundown stairs leading to My Thai Vegan Cafe in Chinatown to eat something that looked no different than the shrimp they put on Sushi at the grocery story. On the way, we stumbled on a Banksy in a back alley. We drove home into a snowstorm that hasn't let up since. I put in a request to skip winter this year, but nobody listens to me. Thanks for reading.

-Paul
printisbetter.blogspot.com

"Man-In-Sea," by Paul Juser

See "Man-In-Sea" at RiverRead Books Binghamton, December 4th at 3pm.

If you're here with me in Binghamton, and you are an Ed Link enthusiast, I have two things for you. First and foremost, come see me do Man-In-Sea next Saturday. I'll be performing sections from the book, as well as reading several short stories. Secondly, keep your eye open for events at the Center for Technology and Innovation, where you can pilot an actual Link "Blue Box" flight trainer. I went to their open house for the Link display, but later returned with my grandfather to see the rebuilt IBM 1440 computer. A 40 year employee in R&D, I thought he would enjoy seeing the typewriters and THINK plaques mounted on the shelves in various states of disassembly. Instead, he sat at the table in the center of the room, and demanded I get him a cup so he could pee in the hallway. At least I know how I ended up able to be dressed and taken out, but that either is rarely worth the struggle.

A brilliant doctor of chemistry, my grandfather did teach me one good habit, and that is to check my facts. This I implore to anyone who called Senate Bill 510 "the most dangerous bill in the history of the entire friggin' world." One Canadian and a truckload of blogs all agreed that if this bill came to be, not only would your local farmers' market be criminalized, but American citizens could be imprisoned for giving away zucchini from their backyard garden. Some friends and neighbors may consider this a blessing, but I smelled something fishy. My grandfather taught me to read about history, so such a law certainly seemed possible, but I refused to believe we've fallen so far that it's probable.

I went home and started reading. The blogs all quoted each other, and the Christian Science Monitor of all places had the good sense to break down the facts from the rumors. I have a hard time trusting them after the Tom Cruise freakout video, so I made sure to check those facts. After amendment, the bill exempts any farm making less than $500,000 a year, as well as the restaurants and private retailers that purchase from those farmers. Rather than giving Monsanto the right to everything you eat, the law would make it more difficult for the big companies to send you a chicken full of salmonella or spinach full of poop. First the Death Panels, and now s510. The bad guys are starting to see how easily Americans will become enraged over rumor without looking for proof. Dark times are ahead if we can be so easily manipulated. Check your facts, friends. Thanks for reading.

-Paul

printisbetter.blogspot.com

Read "The Salvation Shark" and more short fiction, scripts, and very little poetry at Laugh at Yourself First.

pauljuser.blogspot.com

I skipped PiB last week, because I couldn't write anything that wasn't a diatribe about my disappointment over the election. I needed time to find a positive outlook on the situation. The high-profile criminals like Paladino and the popular loons like Christine O'Palin were put down, but I don't know much about the victors. It's not fair for me to judge them on the actions of others. Most I've encountered seem to hate every freedom but their own, advocating religious dominationany people in their party preach religious domination, and would be proud to step back to less tolerant times. Most I've encountered are openly racist, and despite protests their criticisms are based in social policy, still try to slip that big, ugly word into their descriptions of the President. Most seem to hate every freedom but their own.

Decent people will not stand for this, no matter how loud the lunkheads shout. I refuse to believe the majority of us would say that "Ballot or Bullet" guy is a person to lead this country to a better future. I will concede that Ballot or Bullet guy has a right to be angry, and it's not because Obama's a you-know-what, or any other thing you might mutter under your breath, but because the same criminals that made our mess are being allowed to try and fix our mess by making the same mess on a much grander scale. The Tea Party preaches a message of fiscal responsibility, and right now Americans need to learn any responsibility they are offered. If these people want to be leaders, we need to treat them like leaders by being on guard against everything I mentioned in the first paragraph. As long as we prevent that, I've always believed the point of America was that maybe these guys can do a better job. In America, anyone can succeed.

If you're here with me in Binghamton, I want to remind you once again to come see me December 4th at RiverRead Books. I'll be reading selections from Man-In-Sea, and signing copies as well. You don't have to be in Binghamton to hear me on the Original Geeks Podcast, or to vote for us in the Sports category at podcastawards.com. December 3rd, Daddybones will be making his ring-announcer debut for East Coast Pro Wrestling. I haven't watched wrestling since that Undertaker/McMahon "Higher Power" storyline pushed my suspension of disbelief too far, but I'll be at the show that night. The hundredth episode of the OGPC records this week. Thanks for all the birthday wishes this week. It's been a tough year, so it was nice to hear from the outside world. Thanks for reading.

-Paul

printisbetter.blogspot.com

Laugh at Yourself First: The Salvation Shark

Read "The Salvation Shark" and more short fiction, scripts, and very little poetry at Laugh at Yourself First.
pauljuser.blogspot.com

If you're here with me in America, Tuesday is when we vote. Even if I've unpinned your button from our mutual social networking site, I still believe this election is important, even if it ain't for Prez. Tea Party meatheads are bum-rushing any post that's up for grabs. If we don't shut them down now, next year's candidates will be even angrier thugs, and even more vapid aging beauty queens outdoing O'Donnell's outdoing of Sarah Palin's twiticism. Realizing you're the butt of the joke in the middle of a SNL sketch is way more prestigious than joining the reporters that aren't laughing with you. In spite of O'Donnell, I still think witches are hott.

I have no doubt New York will be the same broken machine limping along another 4 years under Andrew Cuomo. The only worse option I see is Carl Paladino. Thankfully, it seems everyone in New York has realized the same thing except those old men in McDonald's at 6:30am snickering and sipping their senior coffees every time one calls the President that word that no one likes to hear. With Cuomo's victory all but assured, I feel secure to waste my vote. Apologies if I'm wrong, and Paladino wins by 1, but I will be more proud to bring the Rent is Too Damn High Party one step closer to the White House. Check the records, I was voting for Jimmy long before you thought it was cool.

If you're here with me in Binghamton, you have one month to clear your calender and spend a Saturday afternoon Christmas shopping in a warm bookstore. Books make the perfect gift, and I give them on nearly every occasion. I take great pains to match a book with someone who doesn't expect to like it. Sometimes I cheap out and give my own books as gifts. If you'd like to give my books as gifts, you can purchase them at RiverRead Books in downtown Binghamton. If you buy them December 4th, I'll be there reading from Man-In-Sea, and I'm sure you could convince me to sign a copy. Why not bring the person you'd like to give the gift, and make that gift all the more special. Also, that person could give you the gift of one of my books as well. What a special Christmas it's going to be! Thanks for reading.

-Paul

printisbetter.blogspot.com

Laugh at Yourself First: The Salvation Shark

Read "The Salvation Shark," and more short fiction, scripts, and very little poetry at Laugh at Yourself First.
pauljuser.blogspot.com

I received an email this week that got me riled. Apparently, a devotee of Glenn Beck decided to "start a revolution" by shooting a few desk clerks in an office of the ACLU. I hate the 8 hour work day as much as the next guy, but history has shown shotguns to be the messiest and least effective methods of voicing your opinion. Byron Williams made the right choice, at least by action movie standards, abandoning his plan in favor of a 12 minute gun battle with police in the middle of the a busy highway. No one was killed, not even Williams.

The email demanded that Beck be held accountable for this crime, and that all of FoxNews be yanked from the airwaves. While this would certainly make my supermarket experience more pleasant, I need to stand against. In a leaked interview, Williams compared Beck to a "schoolteacher on TV," and freely admitted he accepted Beck's conspiracy theories as truths. Williams was also twice convicted of armed bank robbery. Parents should be telling their kids not to be like this guy no matter their political leanings. Williams made himself every DA's dream, admitting on tape that Beck would never advocate violence. Chances are, Williams would have reacted the same way whether he was upset over news entertainment, or if his 14th-level elf had been slain by a kobold. If it wasn't Judas Priest's fault, and it wasn't Slayer's fault, and Beavis & Butthead didn't do it, and the Beatles can't be blamed, then we must remember that such a "revolution" would endanger Beck's paycheck as much as yours or mine, and he would be the last person to let that happen.

If you're here with me in Binghamton, you can come see me December 4th, reading selections from Man-In-Sea at RiverRead Books. RiverRead is my favorite bookstore in Downtown, and that has nothing to do with being the only bookstore in Downtown. Trust me, you should have seen some of the bookstores we had in the past. RiverRead has science books in the front and fresh coffee in the back with the fiction. They also have a store kitten, which may be copyright infringement on a local comic book store known for its over-sized black and white cats. Both stores carry Man-In-Sea, and I certainly shop in both places, so you won't see me picking sides should the issue heat up. My good friend Dave Rasey will be performing as my life-long hero, Rod Serling this Friday from 6-8 as part of PAST's "Spirits of Binghamton Walking Tour." Thanks for reading.

-Paul
printisbetter.blogspot.com

Laugh at Yourself First: Ice Beasts

Read "Ice Beasts" and more short fiction, scripts, and very little poetry at Laugh at Yourself First.
pauljuser.blogspot.com

If you're here with me in Binghamton, you probably visited Finch Hollow Nature Center as a kid. I went there each winter with Cub Scouts to make lumpy candles from liquid wax and a string. Taxidermied wildlife adorns the walls, including a moose head with a wooden body you can climb. Behind the center were trails wrapping through the woods, into valleys and around ponds.

Over the years, Finch Hollow suffered flagging interest. I have to admit, while I still frequently drive past the little brown building with its Johnny Hart dinosaur in the parking lot, I've not been there more than once since elementary school. However, I was very sad this week to learn that Finch Hollow will be closing at the end of this year. Broome County has been struggling with upkeep for the center for decades, and have an interested party willing to take it off the county's hands. Two weeks ago, I had the opportunity to see a map that showed the intended purpose: natural gas drilling.

With each passing day, the outcome seems more inevitable that New York will be drilled, and as my father pointed out, I'd be paid whether I support the drilling or not. At first this made me feel like a hypocrite, until I realized how to make that money an even more damaging weapon. New York is desperate to drill due to the pressure of our current financial situation, which has been compounded in this state by the vast corruption in Albany. I don't agree our best option is to whore out our landscape to people that have shown time and time again to have no concern for even the most basic natural order. Have we already forgotten what happened in the Gulf of Mexico? Greed will turn New York black with soot once more. I would feel no guilt in accepting this blood money, knowing I'd done everything I could to oppose the measure. That's the down side of Democracy: the people always get what the people want, even if it's a bad idea. I'll take whatever money they want to throw my way, and I'll make sure not a penny is spent in New York. While we wait, you can write to Broome County Executive Barb Fiala at bfiala@co.broome.ny.us and tell her Finch Hollow Nature Center is no prostitute. Thanks for reading.

-Paul
printisbetter.blogspot.com

Read "The Salvation Shark," and more short fiction, scripts, and very little poetry at Laugh at Yourself First. Chapter 14 posted 10/15

pauljuser.blogspot.com

This week, I found out that my kindergarten teacher is a regular reader of Print is Better. Weird? Yes. Certainly makes me want to swear less. At least I know we are in agreement about sticking it to "that lady," that I can only assume to be our good friend, Sarah. I still don't think I'd be comfortable if she saw me do VOTE NUGE, but I hope she feels she set me off down the right path. There are still people out there fighting the good fight.

If you're here with me in Binghamton, or anywhere in New York State, you've been seeing signs for our next President, Carl Paladino. "I'm mad too, Carl!" I can tell you from experience that is a terrible time to make decisions, especially if that decision involves the captain of a ship seconds from plowing into the rocks.

Paterson punished anyone with the gall to complain about Spitzer's corruption. He cut funding for schools, state workers, not-for-profits, back to schools, Native Americans, and now poverty-stricken HIV patients, all to make sure his crones and enemies alike weren't required to take pay-cuts. This style of governance smashed Rome, Constantinople, and Wall Street. We have every right to be angry, but it's never right to vote that way.

Democracy is a machine that must be operated carefully, and candidates like Paladino prey on votors that don'[t have the patience for that. I'll admit I don't know much about him, save for his glaring orange and black yard signs, that I first thought were Halloween decorations gone up early. I've mainly heard only the rumors. I gave up on Paladino after his first interview, where the only answer he could give on any standing or policy was to check back with his website in a few weeks. He continues to use the same strategy to prove he isn't the only candidate to have an extra-marital affair. What scares me more is how effectively this strategy works. Tea Party dumbasses and goons are storming elections all over the country. These people only know how to hand all the money to the guy who tells them what to do, and punch anyone that says it's a bad idea. If these lunkheads consolidate power, we will be reaping the rewards of saying, "It can't get worse than Bush." Thanks for reading.

-Paul
printisbetter.blogspot.com

The Playwright Unit

Read "The Salvation Shark" and more short fiction, scripts, and very little poetry at Laugh at Yourself First.
pauljuser.blogspot.com

If you're here with me in Binghamton, I'd like to tell you about the Playwright Unit workshop. Started by Theatricks by Starlight in 2004, the Playwright Unit brought 19 new plays from Broome County writers from the page to the stage. We've hopped around in locations, but have held workshops twice a month since that time, giving new writers the opportunities to hear their stories aloud, and offered critique for revision. For a year now, the Playwright Unit has met at the Art Mission Theater. To show our appreciation, the Playwright Unit is changing its name to 'The Art Mission Playwright Group."

Meetings include exercises, group writing, and reading and discussion of submitted work. The Playwright Unit has always focused not on writing, but revising, and all submitted material is considered incomplete. Hearing a story read by accustomed actors allows writers to experience their work from a fresh angle, and discover cumbersome passages and awkward grammar as a new reader would. If you are a writer in the Southern Tier more interested in art than glamor, craft than cash, I believe you will enjoy our meetings. For more information, contact me at TbStarlight@gmail.com. Thanks for reading.

-Paul
printisbetter.blogspot.com

Laugh at Yourself First: The Salvation Shark

Read "The Salvation Shark," and more short fiction, scripts, and very little poetry at Laugh at Yourself First.
pauljuser.blogspot.com

It's September, and that's when the Day Job makes me start paying back for all that free time I get to write books and pretend I'm Ted Nugent. I'll try to keep PiB weekly for the next months, though don't expect any regular schedule. If I forget to mail it (like last week), visit the blog for fun and informative links to enhance your reading experience. The Salvation Shark is set to post two chapters a week until December, when I have another long-term story to begin running alongside.

If you're here with me in Binghamton, I hope you were one of the good guys outside city hall Monday morning letting our legislature know we don't want to see New York State become a wasteland. Can anyone tell me if I made CNN? The bad guys down the street got the big picture in the paper, but Party-Mayor Matt Ryan woke up still drunk in an alley nearby and stumbled to our side instead. Who can blame him? The bad guys were waving signs and cranky from being ejected from McDonald's in favor of the morning crowd that purchased more than a senior coffee. With our Oil Derrick of Death and Mother Earth cradling the globe, we looked like much more fun. I got my picture taken with Frackinstein. Unfortunately, stupidity always seems to triumph in the end. When all the wells have been dug, the ground water has been ruined, and the forests have been cleared once more, we will say, "We told you so." The Frackers will count every last penny and say, "We never cared in the first place." Thanks for reading.

-Paul
printisbetter.blogspot.com

Read "The Witch King's Sword," and more short fiction, scripts, and very little poetry at Laugh at Yourself First.
pauljuser.blogspot.com

I'm breaking away from the Salvation Shark this week for a new episode of the Witch King's Sword. Grent and Corthd first appeared in a story I wrote in the 11th grade called, "Blasphemer's Bluff." Many of the characters to wander through Witch King were culled from this and a series of stories I wrote about Grent in the following years. Most never made it past the handwriting stage, and have been lost to this cleaning or that move, but I recently found a surviving copy of Blasphemer's Bluff. While clearly the work of a high school junior, I'm still proud of the story. One more episode of Witch King remains for this year. Salvation Shark comes back Friday the 1oth.

If you're here with me in Binghamton, you were almost certainly not at First Friday this week. I think I saw less people since the monthly event began five years ago. I can't blame anyone for staying home either. With the exception of some creepy stuff in Jungle Science, the most interesting art was graffiti in a back alley. Inbreeding a local art scene creates stagnation very quickly. An artist should never close their borders. What I saw this week didn't even belong on the wall of a dentist office. While working on his award winning short film, "A Thankless Job," my close friend, Sean Kimber gave me the best direction I've ever recieved. "Try not to suck." He one the $1,000 prize, and I got my face in the newspaper preparing to hacksaw a body into pieces, so I guess Sean's advice worked. Try not to suck.

Laugh at Yourself First: The Salvation Shark

Read "The Salvation Shark," and more short fiction, scripts, and very little poetry at Laugh at Yourself First.
pauljuser.blogspot.com

If you're here with me in Binghamton, you may know Stan Kata of Endicott. I don't, but I feel like I've known him for years after his letter in the local paper this weekend. Living in Upstate, I'm accustomed to his level of hateful ranting in public places. Only the day before it was published, a different Stan Kata was on a tirade in a bagel shop about whites being smarter Native Americans for taking native lands. Therefore, bankrupt NY deserves tax money from cigarettes sold on reservations. (For those counting, Governor Paterson has attacked the public schools, the rank-and-file state workers, the not-for-profits, back to the public schools, and now people that are not even part of this nation to cover the deficit left by his pay-raise. Meanwhile, Paterson is raked over the coals for the unrepentable crime of not paying for baseball tickets.) The old man paused briefly when he caught me staring with eyes as wide as my mouth. Normally, once I'm pissed, I can't help but make a scene, but I was in work clothes, so I opted to wait outside. As my favorite teacher liked to frequently tell me, you can't win an argument with a fool, and the fool knows it.

I won't send Stan Kata a letter asking the last time he was sued for praying in public. I grew up Lutheran, and I don't remember any instance when I was jailed or beheaded for it. As a matter of fact, life wasn't that bad growing up as a white kid, and it doesn't look to me like much has changed. That's why I can't figure out the weird myth of Christian persecution. As much as I'd like to see Pat Robertson chased by a lion, I doubt it could catch his private jet. Stan Kata or someone else that drinks coffee with him every morning at McDonald's would probably argue for the Jews, but from what I see, Christian white guys run most of the world.

I stopped letting the Stan Katas of the world bother me. People like him will always oppose progress, but are barely willing to do more than lift a finger to stand in the way. Personally, I don't see why it would matter if our President is a Muslim. Isn't that the point of our country: anyone can do as well as a greedy white guy? I'm no fan of Obama, but he's certainly not worse than any of the Presidents I remember, and especially not as bad as the last guy. Stan Kata has already told us he disagrees. I'd like to know if he is working hard to shut down the porn shops and other improprieties too close to "Sacred Ground." I must admit, I've only been in one mosque, but everyone seemed nicer than strippers. They weren't even upset when I walked on the carpet with my shoes. Can anyone give me a count of how many innocent Muslims died in the World Trade Center attacks? The hijackers didn't give a shit about them either. Stan Kata has the right to recite the same tired rhetoric that created 9/11, the Holocaust, and countless other mass murders throughout history. I don't blame him. Instead, I'm embarrassed by the newspaper that would put those ideas in print. What makes this nation greater is that Stan Kata can say whatever he pleases, but that doesn't give him the right to be heard. Thanks for reading.

-Paul
printisbetter.blogspot.com

Laugh at Yourself First: The Salvation Shark

Read "The Salvation Shark" and more short fiction, scripts, and very little poetry at Laugh at Yourself First.
pauljuser.blogspot.com

If you have the chance, please forward this message to Newt Gingrich. Islam is a religious faith. The Nazi's were a political movement. I would assume a man of your stature and education would know the difference, so please retract your tired analogy that only shows the ignorance of the people who repeat it. The Tea Party is a political movement, and therefore much closer to the Nazi's than Islam. Don't misquote me, I'm not saying the Tea Party is a racist movement. I'm saying I haven't met a member of the Tea Party that wasn't openly ist about something. The National Socialists didn't start as a hate group either. They just happened to be a hell of a lot of people that got together and realized they all agreed it was socially acceptable to murder a hell of a lot more people than were killed on 9/11.

If you're here with me in Binghamton, I hope you caught the final show of my favorite local band, If Man is Five. After approximately 9 years rock, the ladies have decided to part ways. I am very sad to see them go, and they will be sorely missed. I can't tell you what a great honor it was to be asked to introduce them Friday night, and even without a drummer they rocked harder than most of the boys around these parts. I programmed the date, December 25th, 2017 into my phone for their promised reunion show, and you better believe I will hold the girls to this. There will be a short break in The Salvation Shark until September 10th, but I have a new episode of the Witch King's Sword to post next week. If you have any comments on either story, feel free to let me know at TbStarlight@gmail.com Thanks for reading.

-Paul
printisbetter.blogspot.com

Laugh at Yourself First: The Salvation Shark

Read "The Salvation Shark," and more short fiction, scripts, and very little poetry at Laugh at Yourself First.
pauljuser.blogspot.com

Did you hear about all the murders in the woods not far from your house? Victims have been taken apart with all manner of camp tool through increasingly gruesome methods. They couldn't have picked a better day for it. I was supposed to be in Texas this past weekend, celebrating the 30th anniversary of the movie series that shaped so much of my youth. I spent endless hours in front of the TV studying Jason's every move. I'd say 90% of what I know about storytelling comes from Friday the 13th. The rest came from an Iron Maiden album. I will most certainly be making time for one of the classics this afternoon and/or evening, I hope you do the same.

If you're here with me in Binghamton, there are not many celebration days to be rained out this summer. My big one is the Johnson City Field Days, coming Labor Day weekend. I've been attending since I was barely knee-high, and one of my strongest memories is winning a Godzilla key-chain that I still hope will turn up in a box someplace. Look for my Salvation Shark bookmarks around town, but stay out of the rain. I hope you are enjoying the story. Thanks for reading.

-Paul
printisbetter.blogspot.com

Laugh at Yourself First: The Salvation Shark

Read "The Salvation Shark," and more short fiction, scripts, and very little poetry at Laugh at Yourself First.
pauljuser.blogspot.com

A blow was struck last week against those pigs so arrogant they believe themselves to have the right to stick their unwelcome noses through the closed doors of another person's bedroom. I sometimes make jokes that can be easily misconstrued, but make no mistake: I believe no man or woman should be limited in what brings them joy as long as they are not hurting anyone else. As a famous philosopher once said, "Do as Thou wilt shall be the whole of the law... Love under will." I believe these freedoms and diversities are the very pillars that make our nation strong and great. Not only do I believe any two people in love should have the right to be married, I believe everyone should be allowed to peacefully practice their personal religion wherever they please, be it a mosque too close to Ground Zero for someone else's comfort, or a silent prayer in a public school prior to a difficult exam. These rights should be permitted and never imposed to each and every human living between these two Oceans, no matter their sex, sexuality, race, age group, or any other divider the pigs want to use.

No matter the excuse, I believe the reasoning will always be wrong, and I believed our Founding Fathers intended no less. The pigs will fight against these rights to the very end, because they hate and fear freedom more than any other person on the planet. These pigs are no particular pundit or party, they are voices that live inside each and every one of us, rooted in our fears and insecurities. Only by facing these pigs in ourselves and recognizing their ideas as outdated and wrong, can we begin to make the world a better place. That, more than anything else is why we must laugh at ourselves first. We are those pigs, that means we're the only people that can stop these pigs. Good job, California, you've brought yourself back to the high standard you set yourself.

If you're here with me in Binghamton, I hope you were able to see me Friday night at KNOW Theatre, reading the first chapter of The Salvation Shark. If you've been following local theatre as long as I have, you've seen this group go from guerrilla warriors performing plays in psych hospitals and church basements. Now in the Binghamton City Stage, KNOW is doing better shows than ever. It was a great honor to walk on their stage. If you missed it, you can still read new chapters of The Salvation Shark every Monday and Friday at Laugh at Yourself First. Thanks for reading.

-Paul
printisbetter.blogspot.com

Next week, read "The Salvation Shark," and more short fiction, scripts, and very little poetry at Laugh at Yourself First.
pauljuser.blogspot.com

It's a big, stupid world folks, and thankfully I'm here to tell you about it. Way back, when I was a young'n in the tenth grade, I swore I'd be the one to marry Chelsea Clinton. Some even claimed my claimed my first girlfriend's nose resembled that of then First Daughter. I suppose after this weekend, I should let that candle burn out, but if Chels happens read this, know you can call me any time. I don't think my current ladyfriend reads Print is Better, so we have this safe public discourse as long as no one spoils my secret.

I didn't mail out PiB last week, because the day after I posted, the organizers of Camp Blood: Friday the 30th, agreed to pay the costs of transferring my plane ticket to the revised date, May 12th-15th. Thank you to everyone that offered their help, but I will no longer be in Texas next week. Readers in Oswego can find Laugh at Yourself First bookmarks at stores around downtown, and my book, NUGE FOR PREZ at River's End Books. If you're here with me in Binghamton, I will be reading in KNOW Theater's First Friday event this week. That same day, "The Salvation Shark" will debut on Laugh at Yourself First. Thanks for reading.

-Paul
printisbetter.blogspot.com

Original Geeks Podcast: Episode 75

My new novel, The Salvation Shark starts next week on Laugh at Yourself First, so I'm not posting a story this week. New chapters will be posted every Monday and Friday. If that's not enough, listen to my review of PREDATORS on Episode 75 of the Original Geeks Podcast. If you've been listening to the show, you were then eagerly awaiting my review of Camp Blood: Friday the 30th in Dallas, TX August 12-15. Two weeks before the event, after probably 75% of the attendees had already booked hotel rooms and paid for airline tickets, the event has been moved to May 13th, which technically would be Friday the 31st.

Being 2 of those 75%, we either lose $400 each for plane tickets, reschedule our flights any time in the next year, but pay additional fees, or go to Texas anyway. Luckily, we have a friend Brett Tribe, in Austin, which I hear is much cooler than Dallas anyway. I've driven through both but never stopped. Kevin and I are looking for a show. We don't care about being paid, but we won't turn down anything you offer. We would appreciate the opportunity to perform, and maybe sell a few books and CD's. Kevin plays bass in Swath, and Dance-A-Tron. printisbetter.blogspot.com has links to both bands. Kevin and I used to perform as Lament Configuration about a decade ago, that I'm sure you saw if you were here with me in Binghamton. Thanks for reading.

-Paul
printisbetter.blogspot.com

Laugh at Yourself First: BURN

Read BURN, and more short fiction, scripts, and very little poetry at Laugh at Yourself First.
pauljuser.blogspot.com

If you're here with me in Binghamton, you were probably in the crowd of six people that saw me read BURN a few times in the Oracle Phoetus days. It would have appeared on our debut album, "BOOZE, BOOTS, & BOOBS, which remains in perpetual limbo due to the restraining order Brett Tribe placed against himself. We played punk rock shows and poetry readings, and considered ourselves Literature's greatest band. I once sat through a poetry reading where a girl ascended the podium with her laptop computer, and introduced her work with, "I wrote this yesterday and it should probably be revised." I would have figured that out on my own by listening.

While I still love the Internet, it has created a world where a person can write a poem about their cat at breakfast, publish that poem on a website by lunch, and still have another ready by dinner. I've seen people publishing a new book of their poems every week. This astounds me, as some of my worst took days, or even weeks before I finally gave up. You understand when you read the books, and see it's mostly the same poem. An illusion has been created that poetry is easy. Some people still say they enjoy mine, and I hope you do as well. I don't write poetry these days, and I don't read poems either. I cringe at the thought of reading poems from my favorite authors, so the one you have handwritten on a folded napkin in your back pocket probably isn't going to change my mind either. If you've enjoyed Print is Better or Laugh at Yourself First, I hope you'll consider buying one of my printed books at lulu.com/tbstarlight. You can download most of them free beforehand. Dollars Per Hour is funny.

-Paul
printisbetter.blogspot.com

Laugh at Yourself First: The Witch King's Sword

Read "The Witch King's Sword, Episode 10" and more short fiction, scripts, and very little poetry at Laugh at Yourself First.
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Thank you to all the people who came out Saturday to the spaghetti dinner at the East Maine Fire Department. Wherever my brother is now, I hope he's proud that so many people were there to put in the work and make sure his name continues to help people, just as he did when he was alive. We met our goals, and the money raised should be enough to cover the legal fees associated with incorporating as a not-for-profit organization. As a result, I'm exhausted, and I hope you'll forgive me for being short on words. I've been letting these things run a little long the last few weeks. Episode 10 of "The Witch King's Sword" introduces two characters I've been writing about since high school, but unless you're name is Roland Balazar, there is a fairly good chance you've never read any of those stories. Thank you also to the person at the Art Mission, who said "Nice Pics" under the place I wrote 'printisbetter.blogspot.com' in purple chalk on the bathroom wall. I'm skipping a picture again this week, mainly because I don't want to touch a camera when I punch out from the Day Job. I'll make it up next week, I promise. Thanks for reading.

-Paul
printisbetter.blogspot.com

Laugh at Yourself First: AIN SOPH

Read "AIN SOPH Part 2" and more short fiction, scripts, and very little poetry at Laugh at Yourself First.
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Friday afternoon, I was at the ART Mission helping my ladyfriend prepare for First Friday. A woman approached me with her two children, asking if I knew where the dinosaurs went. If you're here with me in Binghamton, you surely know that meant the hundred or so cartoon dinosaur statues displayed around town. Decorated by local artists the "Gronks" are a tribute to cartoonist and local-boy-done-good, Johnny Hart. As a knee-high creative, it was inspiring to have a big literary-type star like Hart in my back yard, and as an elementary and middle school student, I read "BC" and "The Wizard of Id" every day. I never got to meet Hart, but I did attend his wake to thank his wife for all the wonderful work he gave us.

At first, only one of the "Gronks" decorated the ART. It was some kind of Dinobot, covered in hundreds of rusty, jagged metal plates. In my opinion, easily the most badass of the statues, but not the safest option for your kids to climb on. I noticed the day before that Sludge had been moved from the doorstep to the street corner and replaced with a statue decorated in small mosaic tiles. This statue had been unfortunately placed too close to the downtown bars and in less than a month had its ribs kicked in and its mosaic scattered to the gutters and the Susquehanna river.

The woman took her daughters on a scavenger hunt, but so far only found these two statues at the locations marked on her pamphlet and a poster on the wall. I feared the work of a copycat inspired by the Carmen Sandiego copycat that was popular in theaters last week. The Press & Sun reported Sunday that the "Gronks" had in fact been moved to a secure location to relieve them of the merciless vandalism against them. It was the kind of thing that would be funny if it happened in a movie. I myself saw dinos tagged, teeth blacked out, and several of the caveman riders stolen off the backs. The damage was so extensive the reporter could not tell how many broken bodies still lay in the secret workshop awaiting repair. Mayor Ryan could not be reached for comment, which makes me suspect him guilty of living out his well-known childhood fantasy of getting drunk and ripping the head off a brontosaurus. I've been trying to write about the destruction for weeks, but the story made me too furious to finish. I'm glad someone at the Press finally overcame their own rage. Thanks for reading.

-Paul
printisbetter.blogspot.com

Laugh at Yourself First: AIN SOPH

Read "AIN SOPH" and more short fiction, scripts, and very little poetry at Laugh at Yourself First.
pauljuser.blogspot.com

The Day Job has had me on heavy touring through small towns and motor lodges with spotty Internet service, so there hasn't been much time to keep up on my blogging. I hope I haven't ruined anyone's weekend plans. I'm reposting AIN SOPH for these two weeks because last week, while I was huddled under a plastic tarp with my coworkers trying to shield our campfire from the rain somewhere in the middle of the Adirondack Mountains, I typed the last pages of a sequel before the battery on my laptop expired. We couldn't find Higgins the next morning, but there were bear tracks all around the muddy clearing the company considered "accommodations." I won't even tell you about the continental breakfast. This is the revised version of the story that was in NUGE FOR PREZ.

If you are here with me in Binghamton, I hope you'll join me at the spaghetti dinner to raise money for my brother's scholarship fund. It's going from 1-5pm July 10th at the East Maine Volunteer Fire Department, 847 East Maine Rd. There will be food, music, and prizes donated from local businesses including free golf lessons, oil changes, and KGB fm. The first twenty families through the door receive a copy of my book, Man-In-Sea. If you are not one of them, you can buy your own at lulu.com/tbstarlight. All proceeds from book sales benefit the Matthew Juser Memorial Scholarship. My next novel, the Salvation Shark starts 8/6 at Laugh at Yourself First. Thanks for reading.

-Paul
printisbetter.blogspot.com

Laugh at Yourself First: Danglehorn

Read "Danglehorn," and more short fiction, scripts, and very little poetry at Laugh at Yourself First.
pauljuser.blogspot.com

There probably are acceptable times to beat a seventeen year old girl into submission. Say she's a wanton murder about to perform a ghastly execution on an innocent bystander. Go ahead, action hero, knock her out. Beyond that, I can't see any reason that would make it acceptable to pause to consider the situation, wind up, and jack a teenage girl in the jaw. As the Seattle cop struggled struggled and choked one teenage girl that was resisting arrest, her friend tried to push the officer away. This man armed with a gun and trained in hand-to-hand combat felt so threatened by the situation he needed to take out the second girl fast and effectively, fist-to-jaw style. The cell-phone video is on the net for you to form your own opinion, but the response I received to my outrage was in defense of the officer, who was only doing what he needed to pacify a suspect. After all, it's common knowledge that you don't jaywalk in Seattle.

I'm not saying we can't forgive the guy. He did get hit first, and the girls were resisting arrest, and one or both of the girls probably did do something to instigate or escalate the situation unnecessarily, and the girl's history reveals this is not her first physical confrontation with a police officer. This guy thought he was doing his job. He thought he was doing the right thing. Unfortunately, the officer was wrong. Seventeen-year-old girls rarely look like anything else, other than maybe sixteen-year-old girls, or sometimes eighteen-year-old girls, so I can't imagine the officer mistook her for an adult man, with whom this action may be more explainable, if not acceptable. Punishing a guy that got pissed off and made a mistake is not the important issue. Instead, a precedent needs to be set to deter the next guy who thinks he's doing his job. After all, isn't that the theory our entire justice system is based on? Thanks for reading.

-Paul
printisbetter.blogspot.com

Laugh at Yourself First: Danglehorn

Read "Danglehorn" and more short fiction, scripts, and very little poetry at Laugh at Yourself First.
pauljuser.blogspot.com

I hope you are enjoying Danglehorn. The story has five scenes, and will finish this Friday. As I mentioned last week, this was the last Theatricks by Starlight show. We did three performances before the company finally imploded due to actors unwilling to keep their drama onstage. The cast of this show was the best I ever worked with, and bringing Danglehorn to life was the most fun I ever had doing theatre. If Theatricks had to end, Danglehorn was the show to end it on. You are making a mistake to pass up working with Brett, Jason, Joe, or Kristen. As for the costumes, Anna has moved on to purses. You can find her on Etsy as BirdsintheMirror.

If you're here with me in Binghamton, our shale may no longer be up for sale! Apparently, the pigs are salivating at the possibility of making Utica an even bigger hellhole. than it already is. No offense to any Utica readers. Our second-rate Marcellus may not yield as high-quality methane. For landowners atop both formations, I urge you to watch the film, "Gasland," that debuted this week on HBO. The documentary was begun in Pennsylvania less than an hour from where I live. Water is poisoned, the land is wasted, and more than enough people have been killed to say the mission is a failure. Congratulations to Vera Scroggins, who I found interviewed in an Upstate periodical warning against letting the Frackers in New York. She has seen widespread destruction in her hometown, where the New Year is celebrated with exploding concrete water wells, and water faucets can be ignited. If that sounds delicious to you, don't let me stand in your way. You can drink my share too. Watch me bring it all together. The daughters of Vera Scroggins ran the theater where we did the first "Danglehorn" performance. I got to see my name on a marquee. Thanks for reading.

-Paul
printisbetter.blogspot.com

Laugh at Yourself First: Danglehorn

Read "Danglehorn" and more short fiction, scripts, and very little poetry at Laugh at Yourself First.
pauljuser.blogspot.com

This week starts my kids play, "Danglehorn." It was designed to tour schools, with two or three actors playing three characters wearing elephant and rhinoceros costumes built of wire frame and felt. It was the last play ever performed by Theatricks by Starlight. Very much not for children is "The Vampire of Doom City," which ends June 15th at regularcrazy.blogspot.com

If you're here with me in Binghamton, I hope you can come to the spaghetti dinner I'm organizing July 10th at the East Maine Volunteer Fire Department from 1-5pm. All proceeds go to the Matthew Juser Memorial Scholarship. Cheers and jeers to local businesses for their help in the effort. Cheers first to DataFlow, who knocked off the majority of my bill for the poster. They have done all of my printing for years, and I could not have been treated better as a customer. They also have cookies in the lobby. I recommend the Macadamia.

Jeers to an unnamed Greek restaurant that gave me a hard time about hanging one of those posters. I've been loyal to your potato salad since the week you opened, but no more. Still, it was difficult to eat around Douglas Walter Drazen the Senior, who apparently shared my affinity. He once owned a fur shop in Downtown, and may or may not have been my inspiration for the supervillain, Adradian. The punks made a social outing of protesting his store every Saturday, until Drazen eventually closed shop. None of his customers wanted to walk in past the smelly kids loitering on the sidewalk. It took nearly three decades, but punk rock finally accomplished something. Now Drazen the Junior runs for mayor every few years, intimidating his opponents by giving their home addresses to angry lynch mobs. He loses by less and less each election. Thanks for reading.

-Paul
printisbetter.blogspot.com

Laugh at Yourself First: I,

Read, "I," and more short fiction, scripts, and very little poetry at Laugh at Yourself First.

pauljuser.blogspot.com

"I," is a repost of the first Laugh at Yourself story. If you've already read this one, go look at The Vampire of Doom City instead. For the record, I did not write any of the graffiti in the photos. If you're here with me in Binghamton, you probably recognize some of the scenes or names mentioned. To the best of my knowledge, there is no truth to any statements made in the graffiti, and my story is fiction. The Vampire of Doom City ends 6/15 at regularcrazy.blogspot.com. Next week I'm posting the first part of a play I wrote called, "Danglehorn."

With my ladyfriend momentarily done with college, we've spent much of the week making up for lost time. We've been hunted by dinosaurs, robbed by raccoons, planted a garden, discovered a discarded yacht in a highway median, performed an archeological dig in a woodland dump, painted the kitchen, and tried to befriend a baby woodchuck that bit both of us and ran away. I only have a few pictures to show for, so you'll have to take our word for it. Dinosaur purists will take note that there is no such thing as Brontosaurus. Thanks for reading.

-Paul
printisbetter.blogspot.com

The Vampire of Doom City

There are a lot less of you here with me in Binghamton this week, as Binghamton University held its graduation ceremony on Sunday. Congratulations to my lady-friend, who is now a bona fide Anthropologist. Country life has been a pleasant change. Instead of crack heads stumbling through my yard at 7am, I have a doe and fawn. Instead of neighbors playing football under a street lamp, I have raccoons setting off the motion sensors while they raid the composter.

I have a number of good reasons for no Laugh at Yourself First this week. 1.) "The Vampire of Doom City" will be complete June 15th, so I'd rather have you read that this week at regularcrazy.blogspot.com. Think of it as a choose-your-own-adventure for adults. b.) I spent every morning this week on the front porch writing AIN SOPH II. I think sequels are morally reprehensible, so I'm not sure how I'll present it to you, but I'm leaning toward door-by-door with a hand-written apology for not finishing the story the first time around. While you wait for me to arrive, you can read my new novel, "The Salvation Shark" with new chapters every Friday and Monday starting in August, and next month I'm posting "Danglehorn," a play I wrote for elephants about children. Thanks for reading.

-Paul
printisbetter.blogspot.com

Read "A Parable" and more short fiction, scripts, and very little poetry at Laugh at Yourself First.
pauljuser.blogspot.com

Governor Patterson got knocked down a few pegs last week when his plan to force furloughs on State Workers was thrown out by a single judge after the entire New York State Government said, "It's cool as long as it's not me." My Dad works for the State, so I'm trying my damndest to remain unbiased. I don't expect I can do it more than a few sentences. It's not the reason I think Patterson is a sleaze. The Day Job takes me through a fair cross-section of New York schools, and I see the condition many of them are already in. A seventh grader recently asked me what "A-P-P-L-E" spelled. The more inner-city, the more it feels like a prison-in-training. I find those schools populated by happy kids willing to open up and laugh with the first person to treat them like a human being.

I've seen good people teaching, desperate to give these kids some kind of future, but they are stymied by an antiquated system based around a standardized Regents test that was dumped by every state but California decades ago. Look how California turned out. It's admirable that Patterson wants to end the frat party that's been raging in Albany since Teddy Roosevelt moved up from the City. However, when it came time to cut, Patterson went first for the schools. Then he went for the rank-and-file. A Caesar would be proud of this kind of governance, but we're 1500 years past that. Now that the furlough's program fell through, Patterson is attacking the schools once more. You don't have to be here with me in Binghamton to know this path couldn't be more wrong. "The Vampire of Doom City" ends 6/15 at regularcrazy.blogspot.com. Thanks for reading.

-Paul
printisbetter.blogspot.com

Laugh at Yourself First: Jack the Ripper Doesn't Exist

Read "Jack the Ripper Doesn't Exist" and more short fiction, scripts, and very little poetry at Laugh at Yourself First.
pauljuser.blogspot.com

If you're here with me in Binghamton, this weather must be driving you nuts. Last week it was Summer, and today it turned winter again, but turned into Spring by the end of the day. If we hold out to Autumn tomorrow, I'll be happy. I've never seen so much hail in my life as the last few weeks. Volcanoes and oil spills make me unable to decide if I'm seeing the work of the greatest joke mankind played on himself, or a natural phenomena that has happened before. Either way, Al Gore seems to think we're screwed, but he tried to destroy Rock & Roll, so I'm not sure I trust him either. You can make your life a little better by shopping at the Otsiningo Farmers Market. The farmers are donating unpurchased vegetables to local food pantries. If you ask me, that's the first step toward positive welfare reform I've heard in my life.

Regular readers will probably remember "Jack the Ripper Doesn't Exist" from NUGE FOR PREZ, but the devotees will have seen it performed in 2006. This has always been one of my favorite stories, so I hope you enjoy it as well. I have a few more longer stories over the summer, leading up my next novel. "The Salvation Shark" will be posted one chapter each Monday and Friday starting in August. The story will run at least into next year, but a print version will be available early for anyone who can't wait for the ending. "The Vampire of Doom City" will finish June 15th at regularcrazy.blogspot.com. That story will be followed by "The Ice Factory" on 10/10/10. Thanks for reading.

-Paul

Read “The Unbearable Experimentation of the Insidious Dr. Dendrobates” and more short fiction, scripts, and very little poetry at Laugh at Yourself First.
pauljuser.blogspot.com

Print is Better doesn’t have any of the fun and informative easter eggs I normally include, because I’ve said goodbye to city life and moved back to the country. The Internet man has apparently seen too many Friday the 13th's, and I'm still waiting for a connection. Still waiting on the Internet fairy to find the new house. That's why I've been half-assing the last few Print is Betters and reusing old images. If you read this through the Facebook group, you don't get the links or images anyway. An 11pm knock doesn't mean people looking for the deaf-mute crack dealer that had my apartment before me, it's a tech from the electric company on good conscience checking on the problem we'd called in to make sure nothing was dangerous. I hope you have that culture shock some day He repeatedly told me, “You won’t be charged, the dispatcher just couldn’t sleep thinking something could happen!” Now the lights don’t turn off in my bathroom at random.

I do still have a city zip code, so if you’re here with me in Binghamton, the weather has broken! There hasn’t been snow in days, so get out of your house while it lasts! By the end of the week you can put on your headphones, take a walk at Otsiningo Park and listen to my debut reviewing horror flicks on the Original Geeks Podcast. I’m setting my sights on a high for the first installment, telling you what I thought of A Nightmare on Elm Street. This isn’t quite as good as my life dream of writing a Friday the 13th, but I will be covering the “Camp Blood, Friday the 30th” convention for the show this summer. If you’re not able to get to Dallas for a swim in the lake with the original Jason Voorhees, I’ll make sure to give you total coverage. “Dr. Dendrobates” wrapped up on Tuesday, I hope you enjoyed it. “The Vampire of Doom City” is coming to a close next month at regularcrazy.blogspot.com. The next story is called “The Ice Factory,” and starts 10/10/10. Thanks for reading.

-Paul
printisbetter.blogspot.com

Laugh at Yourself First: The Unbearable Experimentation of the Insidious Dr. Dendrobates

Read "The Unbearable Experimentation of the Insidious Dr. Dendrobates," and more short fiction, scripts, and very little poetry at Laugh at Yourself First.
pauljuser.blogspot.com

If you're here with me in Binghamton, you already know that Party-Mayor Matt Ryan let me down one more time. Even though I helped vote this guy into office twice, I don't think he's completed a single project I thought was worth my vote. His Riverwalk project remains in a state of incomplete, Bing Wi-Fi was a dismal failure, and now he's scrapped the War Cost Calculator only a few days after I praised Ryan for his bold move.

It seems Mayor Ryan couldn't take the criticism coming from everywhere else. Don't get me wrong, the only reason I voted for Ryan was because I couldn't bring myself to vote red, but I can't bring myself to be so short-sighted. I'm horrified at how much of my paycheck is going to Iraq and Afghanistan. There's an argument against the war even the Tea Party can get behind. Getting mad at the guy who brings it to your attention is just a case of shooting the messenger. How many American boys are you going to let die because you don't want to see how much it's costing you? "Dr. Dendrobates" continues through April 27th. This afternoon, April 25th I'm volunteering at a benefit for Abe Freeman, a boy from my town fighting an aggressive childhood cancer. For more details, visit the Print is Better blog. Thanks for reading.

-Paul
printisbetter.blogspot.com

Benefit for Abe Freeman

March 1, 2010

Dear Friend,

I’d like to introduce you to Abe Freeman. Abe is an 11-year-old boy who resides in Endwell. As you can see, Abe has a great smile and like a lot of boys his age he likes sports cars, military collectibles, and karate. Unlike most 11-year-olds, he has been diagnosed with rhabdomyosarcoma, a rare cancer. He continues to attend school part-time while undergoing radiation and chemotherapy treatments in Syracuse and Boston.

Abe’s family and friends have rallied to raise money to help defray costs that are not covered by insurance. On Sunday, April 25, 2010 a Spaghetti Dinner will be hosted to support this effort. The dinner will be at the Elk’s Club 519 North Nanticoke Drive in Endicott, New York from 1:00 to 5:00 pm.

On Abe’s behalf, I ask you to join us by donating supplies for the dinner, items for raffle baskets, gift cards, and/or monetary donations. You may reach me by calling 341-1417 or emailing friendsofabe@gmail.com. Thank you for your consideration.

Sincerely,

Family & Friends of Abe Benefit Committee