Laugh at Yourself First: The Witch King's Sword, Episode 12

Read “The Witch King’s Sword,” and more short fiction, scripts, and very little poetry at Laugh at Yourself First.
pauljuser.blogspot.com

Jingle bells. It took me a couple weeks to write this, because I’ve been more of a grinch than usual this year, and I’ve been trying to not take it out on anyone. It took me this long to cram all of my whining into one single, manageable sentence I’ve already tricked you into reading. Take that, sucker. In retrospect, this would have been a great year had it not been overshadowed by the single worst event I’ve had to experience in my life. GWAR Christmas carols and LIFE narrated by David Attenborough instead of Oprah helped to make the holidays a little brighter.

I hope it brightens your days that Laugh at Yourself First is two years old now. I’m celebrating with the final Episode of the Witch King’s Sword, in which Hook reaches Doom City, and the Dark Man leads Valentine and Chloe away from the pursuing Glithvals. All 12 will recap from January 1st-12th in case you've missed anything. The Salvation Shark resumes 1/14. I’m putting the finishing touches on a story called, “K’Tloo.” For certain people, I don’t need to say any more. The rest will understand. If you’re here with me in Binghamton, stay inside. It’s cold. Thanks for reading.

-Paul
printisbetter.blogspot.com

Read "Here in This Sorrow," and more short fiction, scripts, and very little poetry at Laugh at Yourself First.

pauljuser.blogspot.com

If you’re here with me in Binghamton, your children may have watched Mega-Force in school this week. This quintet of strongmen go to elementary schools and rip-up phone books and teach kids how to stand up to bullies. I learned of the group from a friend that was angry when he took his son to the evening event that revealed the strongmen to be ordained pastors that passed out donation envelopes, imploring parents them to contribute hundreds of dollars, because no price can be put on saving a soul. My immediate, knee-jerk reaction was that my friend and I should do what he and I did as kids: go to the next event and make asses of ourselves. Thankfully, we’ve grown up a little and can see the truth in what everyone but Slayer says about pens and swords.

I can’t complain too much about what Mega Force does, because their operation is likewise a fairly accurate description of my unrealized plan for my elephant play, Danglehorn. Undoubtably the story forced on school-kids my radical belief in equality between people of every creed, sex, and species. However, I based as much of the story as I could on the scientifically observed behavior between elephants and rhinoceroses. Even similar, my Day Job also takes me through elementary schools to put on on sophomoric performances as well. However, my employer is a legitimate business that pays the schools for the right to have me called "Picklehead" or "Chickenbird" by hundreds of unruly children.

As far as I can tell, Mega Force doesn’t do anything out of line in the schools. Not until later do they reveal their full name, Mega Force Ministries, and convince impressionable children they will die in suicide pacts unless their parents donate hundreds of dollars immediately. 2012 may prove me wrong, but I still don’t believe we are in danger of crowbar-twisting thugs seizing power and abolishing the right to free religion. What upsets me is that in these times of economic ruin, these thugs are exploiting schools for thousands of dollars to promote their opinions on the Hereafter at the expense of the taxpayer. Imagine how quickly Americans would cry 'Terrorist' if Mega Force were Mega Muslims. Thanks for reading.

-Paul

printisbetter.blogspot.com

Laugh at Yourself First: Here in This Sorrow

Read "Here in This Sorrow," and more short fiction, scripts, and very little poetry at Laugh at Yourself First.
pauljuser.blogspot.com

I've been so busy planning for my Man-In-Sea show this past weekend that I entirely forgot to mention I had something new for December. Not 'new,' exactly. Here in this Sorrow was my first novel, and until recently was available through printisbetter books. If you've read the story already, don't fret. This version is in HIGH DEFINITION!! If high school was tough for you, and/or you devoted yourself to the Misfits, Here in this Sorrow is the book for you. Chapter 1 runs until December 15th, and the end of The Witch King's Sword, Book 2 posts Christmas Eve. The Salvation Shark, Here in this Sorrow, Witch King, and a lot more resume in 2011.

If you're here with me in Binghamton, I went to Boston this weekend. The ladyfriend and I attended Bazaar Bizarre at the Cyclotron and saw many handmade (not homemade) items eagerly purchased by hipsters. Johnny Spaceman and his theramin were not present this year, but I did meet some cool writers from the Boston Comics Roundtable. Then, we ascended the cold and rundown stairs leading to My Thai Vegan Cafe in Chinatown to eat something that looked no different than the shrimp they put on Sushi at the grocery story. On the way, we stumbled on a Banksy in a back alley. We drove home into a snowstorm that hasn't let up since. I put in a request to skip winter this year, but nobody listens to me. Thanks for reading.

-Paul
printisbetter.blogspot.com