Saturday, August 28, 2010

Laugh at Yourself First: The Salvation Shark


Read "The Salvation Shark," and more short fiction, scripts, and very little poetry at Laugh at Yourself First.
pauljuser.blogspot.com

If you're here with me in Binghamton, you may know Stan Kata of Endicott. I don't, but I feel like I've known him for years after his letter in the local paper this weekend. Living in Upstate, I'm accustomed to his level of hateful ranting in public places. Only the day before it was published, a different Stan Kata was on a tirade in a bagel shop about whites being smarter Native Americans for taking native lands. Therefore, bankrupt NY deserves tax money from cigarettes sold on reservations. (For those counting, Governor Paterson has attacked the public schools, the rank-and-file state workers, the not-for-profits, back to the public schools, and now people that are not even part of this nation to cover the deficit left by his pay-raise. Meanwhile, Paterson is raked over the coals for the unrepentable crime of not paying for baseball tickets.) The old man paused briefly when he caught me staring with eyes as wide as my mouth. Normally, once I'm pissed, I can't help but make a scene, but I was in work clothes, so I opted to wait outside. As my favorite teacher liked to frequently tell me, you can't win an argument with a fool, and the fool knows it.

I won't send Stan Kata a letter asking the last time he was sued for praying in public. I grew up Lutheran, and I don't remember any instance when I was jailed or beheaded for it. As a matter of fact, life wasn't that bad growing up as a white kid, and it doesn't look to me like much has changed. That's why I can't figure out the weird myth of Christian persecution. As much as I'd like to see Pat Robertson chased by a lion, I doubt it could catch his private jet. Stan Kata or someone else that drinks coffee with him every morning at McDonald's would probably argue for the Jews, but from what I see, Christian white guys run most of the world.

I stopped letting the Stan Katas of the world bother me. People like him will always oppose progress, but are barely willing to do more than lift a finger to stand in the way. Personally, I don't see why it would matter if our President is a Muslim. Isn't that the point of our country: anyone can do as well as a greedy white guy? I'm no fan of Obama, but he's certainly not worse than any of the Presidents I remember, and especially not as bad as the last guy. Stan Kata has already told us he disagrees. I'd like to know if he is working hard to shut down the porn shops and other improprieties too close to "Sacred Ground." I must admit, I've only been in one mosque, but everyone seemed nicer than strippers. They weren't even upset when I walked on the carpet with my shoes. Can anyone give me a count of how many innocent Muslims died in the World Trade Center attacks? The hijackers didn't give a shit about them either. Stan Kata has the right to recite the same tired rhetoric that created 9/11, the Holocaust, and countless other mass murders throughout history. I don't blame him. Instead, I'm embarrassed by the newspaper that would put those ideas in print. What makes this nation greater is that Stan Kata can say whatever he pleases, but that doesn't give him the right to be heard. Thanks for reading.

-Paul
printisbetter.blogspot.com

Thursday, August 19, 2010

Laugh at Yourself First: The Salvation Shark

Read "The Salvation Shark" and more short fiction, scripts, and very little poetry at Laugh at Yourself First.
pauljuser.blogspot.com

If you have the chance, please forward this message to Newt Gingrich. Islam is a religious faith. The Nazi's were a political movement. I would assume a man of your stature and education would know the difference, so please retract your tired analogy that only shows the ignorance of the people who repeat it. The Tea Party is a political movement, and therefore much closer to the Nazi's than Islam. Don't misquote me, I'm not saying the Tea Party is a racist movement. I'm saying I haven't met a member of the Tea Party that wasn't openly ist about something. The National Socialists didn't start as a hate group either. They just happened to be a hell of a lot of people that got together and realized they all agreed it was socially acceptable to murder a hell of a lot more people than were killed on 9/11.

If you're here with me in Binghamton, I hope you caught the final show of my favorite local band, If Man is Five. After approximately 9 years rock, the ladies have decided to part ways. I am very sad to see them go, and they will be sorely missed. I can't tell you what a great honor it was to be asked to introduce them Friday night, and even without a drummer they rocked harder than most of the boys around these parts. I programmed the date, December 25th, 2017 into my phone for their promised reunion show, and you better believe I will hold the girls to this. There will be a short break in The Salvation Shark until September 10th, but I have a new episode of the Witch King's Sword to post next week. If you have any comments on either story, feel free to let me know at TbStarlight@gmail.com Thanks for reading.

-Paul
printisbetter.blogspot.com

Friday, August 13, 2010

Laugh at Yourself First: The Salvation Shark

Read "The Salvation Shark," and more short fiction, scripts, and very little poetry at Laugh at Yourself First.
pauljuser.blogspot.com

Did you hear about all the murders in the woods not far from your house? Victims have been taken apart with all manner of camp tool through increasingly gruesome methods. They couldn't have picked a better day for it. I was supposed to be in Texas this past weekend, celebrating the 30th anniversary of the movie series that shaped so much of my youth. I spent endless hours in front of the TV studying Jason's every move. I'd say 90% of what I know about storytelling comes from Friday the 13th. The rest came from an Iron Maiden album. I will most certainly be making time for one of the classics this afternoon and/or evening, I hope you do the same.

If you're here with me in Binghamton, there are not many celebration days to be rained out this summer. My big one is the Johnson City Field Days, coming Labor Day weekend. I've been attending since I was barely knee-high, and one of my strongest memories is winning a Godzilla key-chain that I still hope will turn up in a box someplace. Look for my Salvation Shark bookmarks around town, but stay out of the rain. I hope you are enjoying the story. Thanks for reading.

-Paul
printisbetter.blogspot.com

Sunday, August 8, 2010

Laugh at Yourself First: The Salvation Shark

Read "The Salvation Shark," and more short fiction, scripts, and very little poetry at Laugh at Yourself First.
pauljuser.blogspot.com

A blow was struck last week against those pigs so arrogant they believe themselves to have the right to stick their unwelcome noses through the closed doors of another person's bedroom. I sometimes make jokes that can be easily misconstrued, but make no mistake: I believe no man or woman should be limited in what brings them joy as long as they are not hurting anyone else. As a famous philosopher once said, "Do as Thou wilt shall be the whole of the law... Love under will." I believe these freedoms and diversities are the very pillars that make our nation strong and great. Not only do I believe any two people in love should have the right to be married, I believe everyone should be allowed to peacefully practice their personal religion wherever they please, be it a mosque too close to Ground Zero for someone else's comfort, or a silent prayer in a public school prior to a difficult exam. These rights should be permitted and never imposed to each and every human living between these two Oceans, no matter their sex, sexuality, race, age group, or any other divider the pigs want to use.

No matter the excuse, I believe the reasoning will always be wrong, and I believed our Founding Fathers intended no less. The pigs will fight against these rights to the very end, because they hate and fear freedom more than any other person on the planet. These pigs are no particular pundit or party, they are voices that live inside each and every one of us, rooted in our fears and insecurities. Only by facing these pigs in ourselves and recognizing their ideas as outdated and wrong, can we begin to make the world a better place. That, more than anything else is why we must laugh at ourselves first. We are those pigs, that means we're the only people that can stop these pigs. Good job, California, you've brought yourself back to the high standard you set yourself.

If you're here with me in Binghamton, I hope you were able to see me Friday night at KNOW Theatre, reading the first chapter of The Salvation Shark. If you've been following local theatre as long as I have, you've seen this group go from guerrilla warriors performing plays in psych hospitals and church basements. Now in the Binghamton City Stage, KNOW is doing better shows than ever. It was a great honor to walk on their stage. If you missed it, you can still read new chapters of The Salvation Shark every Monday and Friday at Laugh at Yourself First. Thanks for reading.

-Paul
printisbetter.blogspot.com

Monday, August 2, 2010


Next week, read "The Salvation Shark," and more short fiction, scripts, and very little poetry at Laugh at Yourself First.
pauljuser.blogspot.com

It's a big, stupid world folks, and thankfully I'm here to tell you about it. Way back, when I was a young'n in the tenth grade, I swore I'd be the one to marry Chelsea Clinton. Some even claimed my claimed my first girlfriend's nose resembled that of then First Daughter. I suppose after this weekend, I should let that candle burn out, but if Chels happens read this, know you can call me any time. I don't think my current ladyfriend reads Print is Better, so we have this safe public discourse as long as no one spoils my secret.

I didn't mail out PiB last week, because the day after I posted, the organizers of Camp Blood: Friday the 30th, agreed to pay the costs of transferring my plane ticket to the revised date, May 12th-15th. Thank you to everyone that offered their help, but I will no longer be in Texas next week. Readers in Oswego can find Laugh at Yourself First bookmarks at stores around downtown, and my book, NUGE FOR PREZ at River's End Books. If you're here with me in Binghamton, I will be reading in KNOW Theater's First Friday event this week. That same day, "The Salvation Shark" will debut on Laugh at Yourself First. Thanks for reading.

-Paul
printisbetter.blogspot.com