Laugh at Yourself First: The Salvation Shark

Read, "The Salvation Shark," and more short fiction, scripts, and very little poetry at Laugh at Yourself First.
pauljuser.blogspot.com

Last month, I offered readers a free Salvation Shark poster for reading Chapter 40. I didn't exactly follow up to make sure, and there was no written exam to prove anyone read or absorbed the text I posted. I'm sure some people just said, "Oh! Free poster," and abused my generosity. Others were wary, and who can blame them? Today I say I'm giving out free posters, tomorrow I'm on your doorstep with an axe. I wouldn't send me my address either. To the best of my knowledge however, everyone that sent me their address is still alive, and if they are not, I had nothing to do with it.

If you're here with me in Binghamton, it's easy enough to find one of these posters without divulging any sensitive material to me. Not only does RiverRead Books carry my books, but I leave bookmarks and flyers there as well. You can also pull one off a wall or bulletin board, I usually leave extra. If you are elsewhere in the US, I have a solution for you as well. Send me the address of your bookstore, and I will send a poster with your name on it. You don't care if I show up on their doorstep, they always give you a hard time when you ask for more half & half with your coffee. The first Salvation Shark hardcover should be ready by the end of the month. Thanks for reading.

-Paul

Laugh at Yourself First: The Witch King's Sword

Read "The Witch King's Sword," and more short fiction, scripts, and very little poetry at Laugh at Yourself First.
pauljuser.blogspot.com

If you're here with me in Binghamton, you know it's illegal to talk on your cell phone while operating a motor vehicle in New York State. This goes for car, truck, bus, tractor, or tractor trailer. I fell afoul of the rule last week when a Broome County Sheriff observed me with a phone to my ear. The case is still in the courts, so I make no comment on my guilt or innocence.

I won't say the law is without merit. A few nights ago, I followed a tear-drop-blue Prius that ran from 35 to 50 through a series of 55mph-no-passing zones. When I was finally able to get around, the girl at the wheel was gabbing with no abandon. It should be illegal for her to talk while driving. I am making the claim I am different, but I am not alone. Some weeks I spend more than a day's worth of time at the wheel. I can do a great many things without distraction, from running lines for a play to eating a three-course breakfast.

I propose a point system, with motorists calling a number to report irresponsible drivers. Using new license plate scanning technology employed by New York State police, this should be easy. Drivers with three or more complaints can be identified from a distance, and stopped if they are talking on the phone, shaving, reading the paper, or have their heads below the console finding a CD. The rest of us can go about our business. I do agree that texting should remain illegal, for anyone who doesn't know to keep it below the door panels. Thanks for reading.

-Paul
printisbetter.blogspot.com

Laugh at Yourself First: K'Tloo

See a preview of "K'Tloo" and more short fiction, scripts, and very little poetry at Laugh at Yourself First.
pauljuser.blogspot.com

As some of you may have noticed, last week was Print is Better 100. For two years now, I've been stuffing your mailbox with these trite rants about world politics and weather in Upstate, NY. The response has been overwhelming: REMOVE ME FROM ALL MAILING LISTS! I would like to thank everyone who made this possible, and all the people who have enjoyed what I've done on Regular Crazy, the Original Geeks Podcast, and Laugh at Yourself First. Chapter 39 of the Salvation Shark posted this week, as well as a sneak preview of a short story called "K'Tloo" that will appear this summer in "Tales of Madness & Macabre Vol II." The new episode of The Witch King's Sword posts April 15th at Laugh at Yourself First.

If you're here with me in Binghamton, we have accolades to celebrate! Fifth most depressing city in the whole country, according to Business Insider magazine. Many in the news media were shocked to discover that only Buffalo, two cities in Ohio, and Flint-Roger-And-Me-Michigan make their residents want to die more. Don't get me wrong, we have almost constant cloud-cover, but enough light always comes through in the afternoon that everyone can see the abandoned buildings and boarded windows in the heart of downtown. Even in the dimmest street lamp you can still step around the garbage on the sidewalks and streets, and avoid nearly every puddle of frat-boy urine on your way to city hall. If there is anyone not embarrassed by the awful condition of this city, they should be locked in the mental asylum that lords over our skyline. I've been through all the other cities on that list, and it's nothing to be proud of for us to be better. Let this be a wakeup call, Binghamton. Thanks for reading.

-Paul
printisbetter.blogspot.com