Merry XXX Mass

I'm one of those 'Happy Holidays' types. It's true that most of us are obnoxious about it. I can certainly make myself into a downer this time of year. I've never gotten the hang of receiving gifts. When I was a little kid, I was overzealous about presents, but now that I'm older, I could do with out. We can all use encouragement to give more at times, so I'm happy with that part of the season.

The Post Office is no fun this time of year, with its lines out the door and the brakes on full speed. The breaks also remain at full speed, and if you're here with me in Binghamton, there's a good chance you were there with me in line to see an officer put out his "Next Window" sign to leave a first-day trainee alone. To be fair, other officers stood around to answer her questions, but they would not sell us stamps. There used to be a machine that dispensed individual and books of stamps, but it was removed when its parts became obsolete a couple years later. This year, I could have delivered my cards faster driving them around town.

Is the Post Office some vast experiment testing the limits of negative customer service? In response to increasing pressure from parcel services in the private sector, and my good friend the e-mail, it seems the postal workers have racheted up the inefficiency and rudeness to a new high. Congratulations to our Congress this week for finally picking up the ball our President dropped when he found out he could use the private jet. We're on a road to being on a level with the rest of the civilized world! I expect to see many critics of government health care in line to use it the first day with no clue of the irony. When the new system is in place, I imagine it will be at least as annoying and user-friendly as the Post Office. There is no Laugh at Yourself First this week. Thanks for reading.

-Paul
printisbetter.blogspot.com

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Laugh at Yourself First: If At First You Don't Succeed

Read "If At First You Don't Succed" and more original fiction, scripts, and very little poetry at pauljuser.blogspot.com

Happy Dr. Filth December! This week I have “If At First You Don't Succed,” which was named for me by Seattle notable, Purple Mark Wirth. I’ve been saying for a few weeks that this is the first story I ever wrote about Dr. Filth. That’s basically a lie. The first story is in there, mixed with chapters from my first novel, which you will never read. I thought it would it would be an easy task stitching the stories together, but required much rewriting, and the addition of superheros.

It was too good to be true that in the same year Rob Zombie made a movie that didn't suck, I'd be attending a red carpet premier of a new Friday with almost the entire cast of the entire series. However, my VIP ticket does get me a swim with the kid who jumped out of the lake at the end of the first movie. He looks like Weird Al and has made a career out of being the kid that jumped out of the lake at the end of the first movie. Still no word on Crispin Glover. A thirteenth film would be a nice touch for Jason's 30th birthday, but a villain needs time to fester before he comes back. Also, not many people came to see the last one.

If you’re here with me in Binghamton, you know this is the time of year you stay inside and distract yourself from the cold any way you can. I try to keep moving regardless. I use DataFlow to print the Laugh at Yourself flyer, and I’ve been getting them on as many tables and bulletin boards I can find. Find them in Boston, Cambridge, and Ithaca, and at home as well. If you don't live near there, and I don't make it to your town soon, I'll be happy to mail you a few. Drop me a line at TbStarlight@gmail.com. Thanks for reading.

-Paul
printisbetter.blogspot.com

Happy Dr. Filth December 17th!

As you may know, tomorrow on Laugh at Yourself First, I'm posting the very first Dr. Filth story I wrote, sometime around when I was twenty. While the story received some revisions, and came together quite nicely, I couldn't come up with a title. I left that to my Facebook friends, who were given the chance to name it without reading it. The submissions are in, and I've picked my favorite. Here is a list of the runners up, and some of my reasoning.

Most Notable:

James Lisk of Parsippany, NJ submitted "The Good, the Bad, and the Filthy." Not only a good fit for the story, but some would say he is Dr. Filth. I would be those people. However, the Dr. Filth in this story was inspired by someone else.

Jason Weston, of Binghamton, NY, is my boss, so by default, I have to put his "The Harrowing Adventures of Coach Calves and His Boonville Battles." He also sends me to Boonville, which I made Dr. Filth's home town.

Miss Maggie G of Olympia Washington had my favorite for a while, and maybe still with "Thrift Store Rejects." However, while that pretty much described my life at the time, it had little to do with the story. If there's a Second Place, this is it.

Steen Ahlmann Peterson of Copenhagen, Denmark submitted "The Heart Attack Machine" or "Some Local Loser," which are both lyrics from the Bob Dylan song where the Doc gets his name.

"Put a Bow on Her and Call it Good" was from Alexis Pleus Dugon of Windsor, NY. That could be appropriate to the story in quite a few ways.

"Dr. Filth and The Warm Bath: Dr. Filth Comes Clean" was from Joe Sellepack of Taylor, MI. DR. FILTH WILL NEVER COME CLEAN!!

Everyone wins copies of the new Laugh at Yourself Flyer if you tell me where to send them.

Thanks for reading.

-Paul

Laugh at Yourself First: Dr. Filth Redux

I had some complaints last week that Print is Better had none of the Easter Egg links I normally include. I apologize, I went to Boston for Bazaar Bizarre, and the connection at the hotel was not nearly as blazingly fast as advertised. I'm not the sewing type myself, but my ladyfriend makes some spectacular purses, and I was not about to pass up the chance to stick the new Laugh at Yourself First flyers in any nook I could find. If you're in Boston or Cambridge, give me a shout if you see one. Point them out to your friends if you can.

The craft show was packed to the gills, and a mosh pit broke out when Jonnie Spaceman did a Theremin cover of "Raining Blood." The merchandise ranged from clothing to cat toys to metal sculptures of robots. I had fun looking, but couldn't find much more for myself than a Sasquatch T-shirt. I regret not picking up the tie with the typewriter on it, as well as the Sci Fi and Horror comics in the back corner, even though each book looked like pencil sketches. I lied about the "Raining Blood," but Jonnie Spaceman was still cool.

As part of "Dr. Filth December," this week's story is "Dr. Filth," as it appeared in NUGE FOR PREZ. I believe revision is the most important part of writing, and I try never to release the same story twice. Next week I have for you the very first story I wrote about Dr. Filth, and after that, will be back January 1st with a recap of the first six episodes of "The Witch King's Sword," with the debut of Episode 7 on January 7th. If you're here with me in Binghamton, remember it's too cold to wear ripped jeans. Thanks for reading.

-Paul
printisbetter.blogspot.com

Click the image for Dr. Filth the T-shirt!

Read "Dr. Filth vs. the Dein" and more original fiction, scripts, and very little poetry at pauljuser.blogspot.com

Happy Dr. Filth December!

I think someone else already claimed this month for something, but I’ll give him his time at the end. Since I started "Laugh at Yourself First" one year ago, I’ve reached hundreds of new readers around the world. I'd have never met most of these people had I chosen to jump through the hoops of a traditional publishing industry that currently draws its last breath. I’ve only spent the last year doing what I would have done regardless: writing stories. You did all the work for me, and for that, I can’t be more appreciative.

To celebrate, I’m rededicating this month to one of my oldest characters, Dr. Filth, a superhero with the power to convince himself anything. Doc didn’t realize his great power until after the publication of Dollars Per Hour, but Laugh at Yourself First gave me encouragement to delve into the life of this character and take us places I didn’t expect him to go.

Like dinosaurs? We all do. At the age of four I told an interviewer my dream to a palaeontologist. He didn’t know the meaning of the word, and admitted me to kindergarten early when I proved to be right. In this week’s story, “Dr. Filth vs. the Dein,” our hero finds a bone that isn’t stone, like it should be.

I’ve given away Laugh at Yourself First for a year, and will continue to update every week with new fiction, scripts, and very little poetry. However, I won’t turn you away if you would like to throw me a bone. As always, you can purchase one of my novels printed through Lulu.com. A printed version of "The Great World Leader" is nearly complete. If you prefer to read online only, next week I’ll have the Dr. Filth T-shirt that is sure to impress your friends. I won’t be able to give that away. Times still suck, and you cant afford to send anything my way, you can still help me out just as much by telling a friend. If you’re here with me in Binghamton, I’m skipping town this week, checking out Bizarre Bazaar up in Boston. Not my idea, but a good opportunity to pass out some flyers none-the-less. I’m repeating last week’s endorsement for RiverRead Books on Court Street, because you can buy Dollars Per Hour and Nuge For Pez there. They make great gifts. Thanks for reading.

-Paul
printisbetter.blogspot.com