Original Geeks Podcast: Episode 75

My new novel, The Salvation Shark starts next week on Laugh at Yourself First, so I'm not posting a story this week. New chapters will be posted every Monday and Friday. If that's not enough, listen to my review of PREDATORS on Episode 75 of the Original Geeks Podcast. If you've been listening to the show, you were then eagerly awaiting my review of Camp Blood: Friday the 30th in Dallas, TX August 12-15. Two weeks before the event, after probably 75% of the attendees had already booked hotel rooms and paid for airline tickets, the event has been moved to May 13th, which technically would be Friday the 31st.

Being 2 of those 75%, we either lose $400 each for plane tickets, reschedule our flights any time in the next year, but pay additional fees, or go to Texas anyway. Luckily, we have a friend Brett Tribe, in Austin, which I hear is much cooler than Dallas anyway. I've driven through both but never stopped. Kevin and I are looking for a show. We don't care about being paid, but we won't turn down anything you offer. We would appreciate the opportunity to perform, and maybe sell a few books and CD's. Kevin plays bass in Swath, and Dance-A-Tron. printisbetter.blogspot.com has links to both bands. Kevin and I used to perform as Lament Configuration about a decade ago, that I'm sure you saw if you were here with me in Binghamton. Thanks for reading.

-Paul
printisbetter.blogspot.com

Laugh at Yourself First: BURN

Read BURN, and more short fiction, scripts, and very little poetry at Laugh at Yourself First.
pauljuser.blogspot.com

If you're here with me in Binghamton, you were probably in the crowd of six people that saw me read BURN a few times in the Oracle Phoetus days. It would have appeared on our debut album, "BOOZE, BOOTS, & BOOBS, which remains in perpetual limbo due to the restraining order Brett Tribe placed against himself. We played punk rock shows and poetry readings, and considered ourselves Literature's greatest band. I once sat through a poetry reading where a girl ascended the podium with her laptop computer, and introduced her work with, "I wrote this yesterday and it should probably be revised." I would have figured that out on my own by listening.

While I still love the Internet, it has created a world where a person can write a poem about their cat at breakfast, publish that poem on a website by lunch, and still have another ready by dinner. I've seen people publishing a new book of their poems every week. This astounds me, as some of my worst took days, or even weeks before I finally gave up. You understand when you read the books, and see it's mostly the same poem. An illusion has been created that poetry is easy. Some people still say they enjoy mine, and I hope you do as well. I don't write poetry these days, and I don't read poems either. I cringe at the thought of reading poems from my favorite authors, so the one you have handwritten on a folded napkin in your back pocket probably isn't going to change my mind either. If you've enjoyed Print is Better or Laugh at Yourself First, I hope you'll consider buying one of my printed books at lulu.com/tbstarlight. You can download most of them free beforehand. Dollars Per Hour is funny.

-Paul
printisbetter.blogspot.com

Laugh at Yourself First: The Witch King's Sword

Read "The Witch King's Sword, Episode 10" and more short fiction, scripts, and very little poetry at Laugh at Yourself First.
pauljuser.blogspot.com

Thank you to all the people who came out Saturday to the spaghetti dinner at the East Maine Fire Department. Wherever my brother is now, I hope he's proud that so many people were there to put in the work and make sure his name continues to help people, just as he did when he was alive. We met our goals, and the money raised should be enough to cover the legal fees associated with incorporating as a not-for-profit organization. As a result, I'm exhausted, and I hope you'll forgive me for being short on words. I've been letting these things run a little long the last few weeks. Episode 10 of "The Witch King's Sword" introduces two characters I've been writing about since high school, but unless you're name is Roland Balazar, there is a fairly good chance you've never read any of those stories. Thank you also to the person at the Art Mission, who said "Nice Pics" under the place I wrote 'printisbetter.blogspot.com' in purple chalk on the bathroom wall. I'm skipping a picture again this week, mainly because I don't want to touch a camera when I punch out from the Day Job. I'll make it up next week, I promise. Thanks for reading.

-Paul
printisbetter.blogspot.com

Laugh at Yourself First: AIN SOPH

Read "AIN SOPH Part 2" and more short fiction, scripts, and very little poetry at Laugh at Yourself First.
pauljuser.blogspot.com

Friday afternoon, I was at the ART Mission helping my ladyfriend prepare for First Friday. A woman approached me with her two children, asking if I knew where the dinosaurs went. If you're here with me in Binghamton, you surely know that meant the hundred or so cartoon dinosaur statues displayed around town. Decorated by local artists the "Gronks" are a tribute to cartoonist and local-boy-done-good, Johnny Hart. As a knee-high creative, it was inspiring to have a big literary-type star like Hart in my back yard, and as an elementary and middle school student, I read "BC" and "The Wizard of Id" every day. I never got to meet Hart, but I did attend his wake to thank his wife for all the wonderful work he gave us.

At first, only one of the "Gronks" decorated the ART. It was some kind of Dinobot, covered in hundreds of rusty, jagged metal plates. In my opinion, easily the most badass of the statues, but not the safest option for your kids to climb on. I noticed the day before that Sludge had been moved from the doorstep to the street corner and replaced with a statue decorated in small mosaic tiles. This statue had been unfortunately placed too close to the downtown bars and in less than a month had its ribs kicked in and its mosaic scattered to the gutters and the Susquehanna river.

The woman took her daughters on a scavenger hunt, but so far only found these two statues at the locations marked on her pamphlet and a poster on the wall. I feared the work of a copycat inspired by the Carmen Sandiego copycat that was popular in theaters last week. The Press & Sun reported Sunday that the "Gronks" had in fact been moved to a secure location to relieve them of the merciless vandalism against them. It was the kind of thing that would be funny if it happened in a movie. I myself saw dinos tagged, teeth blacked out, and several of the caveman riders stolen off the backs. The damage was so extensive the reporter could not tell how many broken bodies still lay in the secret workshop awaiting repair. Mayor Ryan could not be reached for comment, which makes me suspect him guilty of living out his well-known childhood fantasy of getting drunk and ripping the head off a brontosaurus. I've been trying to write about the destruction for weeks, but the story made me too furious to finish. I'm glad someone at the Press finally overcame their own rage. Thanks for reading.

-Paul
printisbetter.blogspot.com