Laugh at Yourself First: I,

Read, "I," and more short fiction, scripts, and very little poetry at Laugh at Yourself First.

pauljuser.blogspot.com

"I," is a repost of the first Laugh at Yourself story. If you've already read this one, go look at The Vampire of Doom City instead. For the record, I did not write any of the graffiti in the photos. If you're here with me in Binghamton, you probably recognize some of the scenes or names mentioned. To the best of my knowledge, there is no truth to any statements made in the graffiti, and my story is fiction. The Vampire of Doom City ends 6/15 at regularcrazy.blogspot.com. Next week I'm posting the first part of a play I wrote called, "Danglehorn."

With my ladyfriend momentarily done with college, we've spent much of the week making up for lost time. We've been hunted by dinosaurs, robbed by raccoons, planted a garden, discovered a discarded yacht in a highway median, performed an archeological dig in a woodland dump, painted the kitchen, and tried to befriend a baby woodchuck that bit both of us and ran away. I only have a few pictures to show for, so you'll have to take our word for it. Dinosaur purists will take note that there is no such thing as Brontosaurus. Thanks for reading.

-Paul
printisbetter.blogspot.com

The Vampire of Doom City

There are a lot less of you here with me in Binghamton this week, as Binghamton University held its graduation ceremony on Sunday. Congratulations to my lady-friend, who is now a bona fide Anthropologist. Country life has been a pleasant change. Instead of crack heads stumbling through my yard at 7am, I have a doe and fawn. Instead of neighbors playing football under a street lamp, I have raccoons setting off the motion sensors while they raid the composter.

I have a number of good reasons for no Laugh at Yourself First this week. 1.) "The Vampire of Doom City" will be complete June 15th, so I'd rather have you read that this week at regularcrazy.blogspot.com. Think of it as a choose-your-own-adventure for adults. b.) I spent every morning this week on the front porch writing AIN SOPH II. I think sequels are morally reprehensible, so I'm not sure how I'll present it to you, but I'm leaning toward door-by-door with a hand-written apology for not finishing the story the first time around. While you wait for me to arrive, you can read my new novel, "The Salvation Shark" with new chapters every Friday and Monday starting in August, and next month I'm posting "Danglehorn," a play I wrote for elephants about children. Thanks for reading.

-Paul
printisbetter.blogspot.com

Read "A Parable" and more short fiction, scripts, and very little poetry at Laugh at Yourself First.
pauljuser.blogspot.com

Governor Patterson got knocked down a few pegs last week when his plan to force furloughs on State Workers was thrown out by a single judge after the entire New York State Government said, "It's cool as long as it's not me." My Dad works for the State, so I'm trying my damndest to remain unbiased. I don't expect I can do it more than a few sentences. It's not the reason I think Patterson is a sleaze. The Day Job takes me through a fair cross-section of New York schools, and I see the condition many of them are already in. A seventh grader recently asked me what "A-P-P-L-E" spelled. The more inner-city, the more it feels like a prison-in-training. I find those schools populated by happy kids willing to open up and laugh with the first person to treat them like a human being.

I've seen good people teaching, desperate to give these kids some kind of future, but they are stymied by an antiquated system based around a standardized Regents test that was dumped by every state but California decades ago. Look how California turned out. It's admirable that Patterson wants to end the frat party that's been raging in Albany since Teddy Roosevelt moved up from the City. However, when it came time to cut, Patterson went first for the schools. Then he went for the rank-and-file. A Caesar would be proud of this kind of governance, but we're 1500 years past that. Now that the furlough's program fell through, Patterson is attacking the schools once more. You don't have to be here with me in Binghamton to know this path couldn't be more wrong. "The Vampire of Doom City" ends 6/15 at regularcrazy.blogspot.com. Thanks for reading.

-Paul
printisbetter.blogspot.com

Laugh at Yourself First: Jack the Ripper Doesn't Exist

Read "Jack the Ripper Doesn't Exist" and more short fiction, scripts, and very little poetry at Laugh at Yourself First.
pauljuser.blogspot.com

If you're here with me in Binghamton, this weather must be driving you nuts. Last week it was Summer, and today it turned winter again, but turned into Spring by the end of the day. If we hold out to Autumn tomorrow, I'll be happy. I've never seen so much hail in my life as the last few weeks. Volcanoes and oil spills make me unable to decide if I'm seeing the work of the greatest joke mankind played on himself, or a natural phenomena that has happened before. Either way, Al Gore seems to think we're screwed, but he tried to destroy Rock & Roll, so I'm not sure I trust him either. You can make your life a little better by shopping at the Otsiningo Farmers Market. The farmers are donating unpurchased vegetables to local food pantries. If you ask me, that's the first step toward positive welfare reform I've heard in my life.

Regular readers will probably remember "Jack the Ripper Doesn't Exist" from NUGE FOR PREZ, but the devotees will have seen it performed in 2006. This has always been one of my favorite stories, so I hope you enjoy it as well. I have a few more longer stories over the summer, leading up my next novel. "The Salvation Shark" will be posted one chapter each Monday and Friday starting in August. The story will run at least into next year, but a print version will be available early for anyone who can't wait for the ending. "The Vampire of Doom City" will finish June 15th at regularcrazy.blogspot.com. That story will be followed by "The Ice Factory" on 10/10/10. Thanks for reading.

-Paul