Ted Nugent for President

Friday, August 08, 2008

John McCain is a Werewolf

John McCain's Presidential campaign was over before it started, and the knowledge of this has driven the Senator to lunacy. Rumors coming out of Arizona say he's taken to chasing jackrabbits across the desert under the full moon and killing them with his teeth. Every time Barak Obama scores points with the public, McCain ritually removes a portion of his own face with a rusty scalpel. Come November, there will be nothing left but a wicked skull grin that even the Bush political machine couldn't manipulate into office.

McCain is a loser born and bred. He is working all the tactics that have been successful in the past, but is oblivious to the changing attitude of the public. After 9/11 we were all so fired out that the most brutal and outlandish plots seemed possible and right, and we turned a collective blind eye to the monster that was carrying them out. We saw him on TV, and repeated his actions back in weak gasps, but never took the time to think about how many people 600,000 is. That's twice the population and half the perverts in Washington D.C. combined. Nuge has stood on a steel platform in white pants with guitar in hand and rocked that many people before, and Nuge can tell you it's a hell of a lot of people.

These things are finally starting to sink in though, and it's going to bury John McCain in the mud. The last 8 years have left our nation so sick that Barak Obama could still win by a landslide riding on nothing but McCain's negative campaign ads. Remember how everyone thought of him as the 'Nice Republican?' He's made such a career of throwing elections, he should be a Democrat.

That smug little laugh makes me think of Nixon, but it's the werewolf look in McCain's eyes that has me worried. There is desperation hidden in there, a little monster that says, "I will do whatever I need, whenever I need to win, and if I have to turn the entire Middle East into a sheet of glass to make these people like me, I'll be happy to do it." It's the same smile Ted Bundy would flash the cameras.

The talking heads are too scared to question his war record, but it's certainly not what we'd like in a chief executive. McCain says he knows about fighting and winning wars, but his preferred tactic is to spend four years in a cage eating gruel. I don't think that will get us out of Iraq. Maybe if Obama re-established the Roman policy of decimation could we say it was wrong to elect him. Our boys got tricked into service told they are defending our nation, but get sent to fight an enemy that could barely attack someone outside their hut, let alone thousands of miles away via our well-defended ports.

Most End of the World nuts already think we're done by 2012 anyway. If McCain ends up in the White House, Nuge is switching to their side. After all, Armageddon is only a bad thing if you're on the losing side. The United States of America always promised to be at the forefront of a change in humanity, lead our species into a golden age where men treated each other better, but our good faith allowed these slick bastards to take the reigns. They're all the same, the Bushes, the Clintons, the Hiltons, and the bin Ladens, and maybe we should let them kill each other off. As Americans, we are better than that. This November, we make a choice, and if that choice is for McCain, Nuge fears the hole we fall in might be too deep to dig out.

VOTE NUGE

Currently listening :
The Ultimate Ted Nugent
By Ted Nugent
Release date: 2002-03-26