Laugh at Yourself First: The Witch King's Sword

Visit Laugh at Yourself First for “The Witch King’s Sword,” and more short fiction, scripts, and very little poetry by Paul Juser.
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I was at Book Expo America to sign Dollars Per Hour when I achieved ultimate fanboy. I was in line to get Bill Maher's new book, when he announced he was done signing and stormed off. Around the corner, I found a cardboard castle erected for Wizards of the Coast, makers of Magic: The Gathering. A long line of people extended out of the drawbridge and wrapped around the castle to meet "Dark Elf" author, R.A. Salvatore.

I first became acquainted with Drizzt Do’Urden the summer between my 9th and 10th grade. I’d discovered Dungeons & Dragonlance the summer before, and graduated from the baby games to Forgotten Realms. Drizzt was the ultimate black sheep, a renegade from a race of underground, black-skinned elves that spent their long lives doing as much evil as possible. I devoured seven or eight of the novels that fall, but grew disenchanted after the stories evolved to long fight sequences. Salvatore was at Book Expo promoting the re-release of “The Crystal Shard,” the book that made me dream of being a fantasy novelist.

In those days, I imagined fantasy novelists wearing capes and walking around with swords. Years later, I found out this was true, but no longer thought it so cool. When “The Witch King’s Sword” happened quite spontaneously, I was shocked. I thought all my sword & sorcery novels had been written out of my system in high school... let’s be fair and say college. I revived many of the characters in this story to once again chop, battle, and magick their way through my world of monsters and mayhem. This week’s story is the second part of 12. I hope you enjoy this return to my roots.

If you’re here with me in Binghamton, I’m excited to announce the return of Amera’s Cup-O-Soup. I’d fallen out of touch, and found the restaurant closed every time I went by. I received an e-mail yesterday that Binghamton’s “Soup Artist” is back in business. It’s pretty cold here in the Parlor City, so I hope Achmed has a pot of the Egyptian Tomato cooking for me.

I’m not sure what I’ll have for you next week. I had to rearrange my schedule due to a couple Dr. Filth stories that won’t co-operate. I’m working my hardest to make sure it’s not poems. Thanks for reading.

-Paul