Laugh at Yourself First:: The Salvation Shark

Read "The Salvation Shark," and more short fiction, scripts, and very little poetry at Laugh at Yourself First.
pauljuser.blogspot.com

If you're here with me in Binghamton, I've barely been able to leave my house for the last week. The Day Job leaves me laying low this time of year, which is very nice, considering the weather outside my window and the miles they make me drive in the dark. Last week, when my working-man's welfare didn't hit my account by the end of the third day, I called to complain. Respect to Martin Luther King Jr. and all, but I was out of eggs and avocados, and was drinking coffee from the gas station. The seat-moistener informed me that it wasn't the holiday, but my purchases the day before were the reason for my negative balance. In three years, my unemployment card has left my wallet only for an ATM. Still, the rapidly-expanding ass in row 34g informed of two charges from a company in Bangladesh. If I disagreed, I can fax-not-email a letter stating I made no such charges.

I've been many places, but I've never been to Bangladesh, and certainly not last week. I’m not proud, but I don’t know much about Bangladesh. To me, it’s always been the place with the tigers. For all I knew, this person could be living somewhere that makes the hellholes I’ve lived in look like mansions. I pictured a rouge outlaw plucking my information from the data banks of this global financial network. Deep down, there is still a kid in a leather jacket listening to the Dead Kennedys and thinking Julian Assange and this thief are pretty cool. I was given ‘temporary credit’ while my case is being investigated, and get the impression this is a routine deal. I’m still waiting ten days until my new card arrives. In the mean time, the thief spent more on clothes than I've spent in three years or more. His didn't come off the clearance rack. According to Blogger stats, someone in Bangladesh was reading The Salvation Shark the same day. I’ll consider it all a success if they were not the same person. Thanks for reading.

-Paul
printisbetter.blogspot.com