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Read “Doom City,” and more short fiction, scripts, and very little poetry at Laugh at Yourself First.
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Am I the only rational person hoping Michelle Bachman is nominated for President? For starters, she’s the only candidate I’m confident President Suckerpunch can beat. Can you imagine the crazy Bachman and her closeted nancy-pants husband would unleash trying to 'pray away the gay' for the whole country? John Cleese and Michael Palin couldn’t write better comedy. A popular social media site I belong to asked me to sign a card for the President’s 50th. I told him I still can’t understand how legalizing whaling would help end whaling, and that I was happy the Gulf oil spill happened to prevent him from opening oil drilling on the East Coast. Even though I promised to vote Nader in 2012, the President's staff still asked me to volunteer. Anyone out there looking for Nuge to dip his toes in the political waters again? I still have the hat, and I can grow the moustache again.

If you’re here with me in Binghamton, Talia Moore put together a wonderful art & theater expo last weekend. I was there to table for the ART Mission and watch my ladyfriend in a panel discussion on the local art scene. The event featured open auditions and headshots, and I was able to catch up with many luminaries from my theatre past. Muchof event seemed made up as it went along, but considering this is exactly how I learned to produce plays, I applaud the method. Many of the attendees were children, and I couldn’t tell if the event was aimed toward them or toward the adults, but there was invaluable information for all. I hope to see this become a yearly event, and I will be happy to lend any support I can. Water Under Attack, my new collection of short stories, is available now at printisbetter.com. Ten stories for ten bucks, you can’t beat that with a stick. Trust me, I’ve tried. Thanks for reading.

-Paul
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Laugh at Yourself First: Here in This Sorrow

Read "Here in This Sorrow," and more short fiction, scripts, and very little poetry at Laugh at Yourself First.
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I hope no one accuses me of not writing due to laziness. Last weekend, my character wrapped in The Demon Messenger, and 95% of the movie has been filmed. Iamhorror.com is still planning a Halloween release, so look for us on iTunes and Netflix, and I'll keep you posted on the big screens that will have my weirdbeard. I was in this movie because I wanted to be in a monster movie, but as the story took shape, it became such a part of me that I practically forgot about the monster until the weekend it was on set. Between movie and Day Job, only the power of cupcakes was keeping me awake at that point. I was only meat in this movie, but getting to watch another writer's process was great for me. Thanks to Doug Bush and Ted Nappi for letting me be a part of this.

If you're here with me in Binghamton, you'll probably recognize many veterans of the local stages, including my great friends Brian Nayor and Dave Merrill. As you've noted, I'm a notorious misspeller and worse editor, and when Dave was in several of my plays I gave him a new name in almost every program. I hope he's forgiven me, because he was always one of the most fun people to have on set, and it was great to work with him again. I was also able to face off against my childhood hero, Marquis de Blood of the horror-rock band, Others, and Horror-Punks.com who has been kicking me in the chest or hit me with his guitar since his punk band, Abalienation, back when I was a little kid. printisbetter.com is active now, and Water Under Attack, and Salvation Shark Vol 2 are both nearly complete and should be online in a few weeks. Thanks for reading.

-Paul
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Read "The Salvation Shark," and more short fiction, scripts, and very little poetry at Laugh at Yourself First.
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I've been lax on writing printisbetter the last month or so, but only because all of my free time has been going into the website. The official launch is July 10th, but you can go sneak a peek right now. If you're here with me in Binghamton, that is only a day after my show, "How to Win at Bowling," by the ART Mission Playwright Group. You can find more information about that show, and a picture of a giant gnome, if you visit www.printisbetter.com. If you come to First Friday, look for me passing out the first flyers and posters to carry the name, www.printisbetter.com. If you can't make it, drop me a line and I'll send them to you or your local bookstore along with any other promo schwag I've got laying around my desk.

My new short story collection, Water Under Attack is in the final stages of review. It arrives on the heels of a moratorium in New York State that expires July 1st. Governor Cuomo got into office cuddling with clean water people, but as that clock form the Iron Maiden song continues counting, Cuomo won't take sides. Albany corruption is the family business for this man, and he wants to squeeze whatever dollars he can from whichever side will pay more. The Obamas, Bushes, Cuomos and bin Ladens are all cut from the same mold, career politicians with no regard to the lives lost to their blunders. Come get a look at New York while you can, our motto won't be "I Love New York" much longer. Thanks for reading.

-Paul
www.printisbetter.com

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Read "Here in This Sorrow," and more short fiction, scripts, and very little poetry at Laugh at Yourself First.

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I wrote a great printisbetter a few weeks ago about my adventure for a new phone, but I haven't had time to sit down and edit. First and foremost, I'm proud to announce that Ricki Scordino of EverTech High School was awarded the first Matthew Juser Memorial Scholarship. I made a vow not to read any entries until after the scholarship was awarded, so I am now looking forward to reading her short story, Sadie. One of the judges, the man who taught me everything I know about writing, said of Ricki's Story, "[the] author knows how to tell a convincing story. She's credibly developed her character, has a firm grasp of suspenseful control, exclusively dramatizes only what's important, and brings her reader, as participating observer, into a richly created realm... Welcome to Sadie's author on joining the esteemed ranks of exciting writers." Congratulations Ricki, my family thanks you for your participation.

If you are here with me in Binghamton, you will shortly be able to attend a reading of Ricki's short story as well. Details will follow, and you will be able to read about them on the newly launched printisbetter.com, which has links to both the printisbetter and Laugh at Yourself First, and for anyone interested in purchasing one of my printed books, links to their checkouts as well. The site will be updated frequently, so check back often. There will at least be a new Laugh at Yourself First every week, with chapters of the Salvation Shark continuing through the end of the year. Last week we started shooting D A Bush's The Demon Messenger. I found out last night, I won't need to shave my chest for my as-close-to-nude-as-you-are-likely-to-see-me scene, which in low light will make me virtually indistinguishable from the monster. Don't forget to visit printisbetter.com today. Thanks for reading.

-Paul
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Laugh at Yourself First: Here in This Sorrow, Chapter 4

Read Here in This Sorrow, and more short fiction, scripts, and very little poetry at Laugh at Yourself First.
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The world didn't end. Anytime I'm convinced an event will not occur, there is a sure-fire chance it will, so I was significantly worried. Ten years ago, I counted coins for a vending company and worked with a member of the cult, who lamented he'd never see the Alaska quarter. That's when I knew the jig was up on this Apocalypse. You have to admire the ingenuity, renting bill-boards and RV's to spread the message. I was surprised you even heard of it. Unfortunately, Campy didn't learn the mistakes of "Bob," and reading the date upside down on the Napkin. The actual end of the world took place November 5th, 520AD, but possibly BC.

If you're here with me in Binghamton, you've known for some time that time is already over. Our windows are boarded, our sidewalks are broken, and our floors are collapsing underneath us. Don't worry, rest of the world, you learn to live with it. You have to make the best of your situation. I received my script last night for The Demon Messenger, by D A Bush. We are shooting next month, with expectations to have the movie ready by Halloween. The movie also features Marquis of the horror band Others and HORROR-PUNKS.com. H-P published "Tales of Madness & the Macabre," featuring my short story, "K'Tloo." You may think I've gone book-crazy, and maybe you're right. I'm putting the finishing touches on bringing Laugh at Yourself First to paper, which will be followed by the second half of The Salvation Shark. Thanks for reading.

-Paul
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Laugh at Yourself First: The Salvation Shark, Chapter 43

Read "The Salvation Shark" and more short fiction, scripts, and very little poetry at Laugh at Yourself First.
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It's a sad day, ladies and gentlemen, but one I always knew would arrive. After 2 years of updates, this may be the last email sent from the Laugh at Yourself First FaceBook group. Granted, it's probably the result of people like me, who clutter you inbox each week (or two) with inane diatribes about my whacko political views or stories from the strange place I live. The old groups are going the way of the dinosaur, and if I choose to continue, I will need to start with new members that I can't email when you rejoin.

That is all the better for you, because if you read this from your email, you miss all the images and easter eggs I include on the blog for your additional edutainment. Apparently one time the Wikipedia page for Party Mayor Matt Ryan of Binghamton stated his private dream was to get drunk and punch a Brontosaurus in the face. Everyone knows there is no such thing as Brontosaurus!

If you're here with me in Binghamton, you can find my books and posters at RiverRead Books, and other stores and cafes around town. If you can't travel here by car, I'd be happy to send some to you. Don't want to give your address to some crazy kid in Upstate, NY? Send me the address of your local bookstore and I will mail to them instead. My copy of the Salvation Shark arrived this week, and I couldn't be happier, and I am looking for stores to carry it. As always, Laugh at Yourself First is updated weekly. Becki and Lazarus arrive in New York City this week in The Salvation Shark. Thanks for reading.

-Paul
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By the way, I thought I was making up the word 'edu-tainment' when I wrote it. Let the record show I am not responsible.

Laugh at Yourself First: Sweet Chastity in Wonderland

Read "Sweet Chastity in Wonderland," and more short fiction, scripts, and very little poetry at Laugh at Yourself First.
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What I'm about to say goes against every fiber of my being: we need more censorship. Through all my years growing up, the FCC and the PMRC battled to keep down everything cool. All my Slayer albums were infected with ugly PARENTAL ADVISORY stickers. Luckily, I looked 20 from the time I was 15, so I never needed anyone to buy those records for me. When I was 16, I bought my first GWAR CD. I've only gone to see GWAR six times, but always made sure to be as blood-soaked as possible by the end. I greatly regret I didn't become a fan of GG Allin until two years after his death. I'll leave you to look up for yourself what happened at his shows, but I cannot be called a prude.

If you're here with me in Binghamton, you might have been at the gym with me a few weeks ago when an episode of 'Teen Mom' was on the TV by the bike. I had either Bad Religion or William S Burroughs reading Junky on my headphones, so I didn't hear, but I noticed none of the stars wore red letters pinned to their clothing. At the checkout counter in the grocery store the next day, I recognized every girl on the cover of a magazine. When I started the Salvation Shark, Brittany Spears was popular. You may not remember her, I haven't heard a word about her in a year or more, but I get most of my news from forteantimes.com. Brit is the girl in the pictures of Becki, I gave my character a better background than some Alabama trailer park.

In those days, Spears was considered an amoral corrupter, but now her antics are no more offensive than when Axl Rose swears. Shame on you, television, your integrity is gone. Anyone can find their place at the top by displaying themselves at their worst. I believe entertainment should be free to anyone capable of understanding the difference between fantasy and reality, regardless of their age. If no one gets hurt, do as Thou wilt. This type of censorship can only come from inside each individual person saying, "We are better than this crap." The Salvation Shark is out now in hardcover. Thanks for reading.

-Paul
printisbetter.blogspot.com