Laugh at Yourself First: The Unbearable Experimentation of the Insidious Dr. Dendrobates, Act 2

Read "The Unbearable Experimentation of the Insidious Dr. Dendrobates," and more short fiction, scripts, and very little poetry at Laugh at Yourself First.
pauljuser.blogspot.com

I'm the type of person who gets my news from 2-week-old episodes of The Daily Show, and forteantimes.com. The rest comes from walking past newspaper boxes, and whatever is on TV at Wegman's, so I knew it was truly momentous when I heard within minutes that Mr. Obama took time off the private jet to deliver on some of those promises he used to make us like him about a year and a half ago. George Walker (Texas Ranger) may have been despicable, but look how well his plans were coming together by this time in his Presidency. That's a conspiracy theory joke for anyone who got the forteantimes reference. To celebrate this fantastic step forward, Rush Limbaugh has agreed to leave the country. Maybe he'll convince other insufferable journalistic jesters like Glenn Beck and Nancy Grace to accompany him.

If you're here with me in Binghamton, it appears Spring has sprung. We still get a week in the freezer for every sunny day, but snow hasn't kept a toe-hold in two weeks. I've needed as much sunshine as I can get these days. Monday, 3/29 I'll be on WSKG at noon, talking with Gregory Keeler about Man-In-Sea, my new book which will be released April 16th with a reading at the ART Misson Theater. The book will also be available online at lulu.com/tbstarlight. All proceeds are going to create a scholarship in my brother's name, so there will not be a free version of this book. I'm finishing the new Witch King's Sword for next week, and "The Vampire of Doom City" is updated daily at regularcrazy.blogspot.com. Thanks for reading.

-Paul
printisbetter.blogspot.com

Laugh at Yourself First: The Unbearable Experimentation of the Insidious Dr. Dendrobates

Read "The Unbearable Experimentation of the Insidious Dr. Dendrobates," and more short fiction, scripts, and very little poetry at Laugh at Yourself First.
pauljuser.blogspot.com

Someone please fill me in on this Lindsay Lohan/talking baby thing. I normally try to steer clear of pop crap like this. Unfortunately, it's the kind of news that unwittingly informs you while passing from one hospital waiting room to the next. I wasted nearly minutes reading news articles on the subject, and watched the commercial somewhere between three and five times, but couldn't figure out what base there was for paying attention. Is Lohan related to the writer, or maybe spent time with the gaffer? My friend Lindsey is fairly certain the commercial is about her, and the two don't even spell their name alike. That's a major point of contention among Linds (ee)'s. I'm only concerned because of the dangerous precedent being set. If one nut-case realizes how easily the legal system is manipulated for attention, every nut-case will realize how easily the legal system is manipulated for attention.

Dr. Dendrobates Act II will run through 3/25, followed by the next Witch King's Sword. My Isis poems have been published in Oblique Quarterly in Great Britain. My name is even on the cover, so I can knock another life goal off the list. There is a print edition, and I'm eagerly awaiting the arrival of mine. "The Vampire of Doom City" continues at regularcrazy.blogspot.com. Do you know the story yet? Dr. Dendrobates Act III will start April 16th. If you're here with me in Binghamton, that's the same night as the release of my new book, Man-In-Sea, based on the life of Edwin A. Link Jr.

During the Depression, Ed Link built a carnival ride out of broken airplane fuselage and a set of bellows from his father's piano factory. That carnival ride has been credited with the defeat of the Luftwaffe, the creation of the flight simulator industry, and revolutionizing of the world of aeronautics. After WWII, Ed Link moved on to in undersea archaeology, exploring ancient ports, tracking Christopher Columbus, and competing with Jacques Cousteau to go deeper into the oceans than any man had gone before. Man-In-Sea is not a story about an inventor that built a flight simulator, it's about a hero that changed the world. All proceeds will be used to create a scholarship in my brother's name. Man-In-Sea will be available online, but you'll be able to find it cheaper in Binghamton. I appreciate all of your patience and sympathy through this difficult time. Thanks for reading.

-Paul
printisbetter.blogspot.com

Laugh at Yourself First: The Unbearable Experimentation of the Insidious Dr. Dendrobates

Read "The Unbearable Experimentation of the Insidious Dr. Dendrobates," and more short fiction, scripts, and very little poetry at Laugh at Yourself First.
pauljuser.blogspot.com

Thursday morning, my younger brother, Matthew, lost his battle with brain cancer. My brother was the king of laughing at himself first, and at the world around him, and I believe he would want us to be finding the bright side. Through this horrible two year ordeal, family and friends that have not seen each other in years have been reunited to let Matthew know how many lives he touched in the scant few years he had. If nothing else, that had to make him happy. Thank you all for the outpouring of concern and good will you've given me and my family in this difficult time. If you're here with me in Binghamton, the benefit I'd organized for him April 16th will go on as planned to set up a scholarship in Matthew's name.

Dr. Dendrobates Act II was thankfully complete, and I didn't need to delay. The scenes will be posted each day until March 25th, and Act III will follow in April. I hope you're enjoying. "The Vampire of Doom City," also continues daily at regularcrazy.blogspot.com. March 15th, the last main character will be revealed. Do you know the story yet? Let me know at TbStarlight@gmail.com. Thanks for reading.

Matthew Steven Juser 10/4/1981-3/11/2010
Rest in Peace

Laugh at Yourself First: The Protective Zone of Privacy

Read, "The Protective Zone of Privacy," and more short fiction, scripts, and very little poetry at Laugh at Yourself First.
pauljuser.blogspot.com

Last week I promised the new Witch King's Sword, but I've been preoccupied. By the time I sat down to edit, the week was almost over, and I barely had the story formatted. I hope you understand. Instead, I'm giving you a weird, experimental poem I wrote after first reading about the Cut-Up poems from Burroughs. I'm not really sure what the Old Priest was talking about, but I'd been looking for the same thing a long time. I still don't know what the hell I was talking about. Please don't judge me by my poetry, I haven't written any for years. I worked hard on this one though, and it has a special place in my heart.

If you're here with me in Binghamton, this weekend was Parade Day! Every year we celebrate St. Patty's day two weeks early with a marching soldiers, policemen, firemen, and seven-year-old Irish dance companies. Occasionally, the mayor will stumble in as well, usually around the time the Miss Parlor City float passes the beer tent. Rumor has it we hold the parade early because the bagpipe brigade has been consistently booked since time immemorial. Apparently no one thought to book a different bagpipe brigade. Next week I'll start Dr. Dendrobates Act II, and regularcrazy.blogspot.com continues to be updated daily. Thanks for reading.

-Paul
printisbetter.blogspot.com

Man-In-Sea

Back in late 2000, when Al Gore was still trying to prove he’d won the pay raise and new crib fair and square, a photocopied cartoon passed through the Day Job. It featured a crying infant surrounded by a wooden plaque reading “Official Seal of the Democratic Party.” After this week’s health care summit, I’d like to see that seal passed to John “Sniffles” McCain and the twisted invalids he fights to represent. When asked flat out, no room to dodge, they could not explain why the felt it was so unreasonable for all of us to be healthy. I am a staunch believer that we are the greatest nation in the world, so it kind of pisses me off that people in France can go see the doctor whenever they want and not be docked for the days off work.

It’s an issue that weighs heavily on my mind right now, as my younger brother lays in a hospital bed recovering from his second surgery to remove a brain tumor that attacked him for no reason that anyone can explain to me. Matthew worked hard all his life, but there had no choice but to go on Medicaid when this happened, and he has been well taken care of. If you among those that want to stand in the way of that, I invite you to come sit with me in the hospital and watch him inspect his arm like he’s never seen it before or struggle to remember the number after thirteen.

In April I am publishing “Man-In-Sea,” based on the life of Edwin A. Link Jr., an inventor from Binghamton, NY., who built a carnival ride that revolutionized the world of flight and has been credited with defeating the Luftwaffe. All proceeds will go to help my brother’s recovery. If you are here with me in Binghamton, you can come to the release party April 16th at the ART Mission Theater. Bill Snyder of WSKG will lead the cast reading the story live. If you are interested in sponsoring books for this event, please contact me at TbStarlight@gmail.com. Next week, Laugh at Yourself First will have the new episode of The Witch King’s Sword. Thanks for reading.

-Paul
printisbetter.blogspot.com

Laugh at Yourself First: The Unbearable Experimentation of the Insidious Dr. Dendrobates

Read "The Unbearable Experimentation of the Insidious Dr. Dendrobates" and more short fiction, scripts, and very little poetry at Laugh at Yourself First.
pauljuser.blogspot.com

If you're here with me in Binghamton, come see VOTE NUGE this week. I'll be performing every night at 7:15 at the ART Mission Theater. The show is free with movie admission, and this week they are playing "A Single Man" and "Young Victoria." Both are fantastic.

When I was a kid, I read and re-read a series of books called "Time Machine," where you jumped around the timeline for apparently no other reason than to keep yourself from screwing up the timeline by jumping around and messing with things. I tended to be a cataclysm that brought about the end of the dinosaurs much too early. "The Vampire of Doom City" is like a choose-your-own adventure for grownups. I give you the details, but leave you to put them together. I started a contest this week to win the print edition. All you need to do is tell me the story. The last main character will be revealed March 15th. You can read it at regularcrazy.blogspot.com. I hope you're enjoying Dr. Dendrobates. Thanks for reading.

-Paul

Laugh at Yourself First: The Unbearable Experimentation of the Insidious Dr. Dendrobates

Read “The Unbearable Experimentation of the Insidious Dr. Dendrobates” and more short fiction, scripts, and very little poetry at Laugh at Yourself First.
pauljuser.blogspot.com

Nobody panic, Jack Nicholson is still alive. That was the first sigh of relief I had all week when I discovered that was a hoax. For everything else, I think about Marlow and keep my eyes on the river ahead of me. I hope your life is good, because I'm in serious need of a few seconds of silence. Each of us has or own personal horror stories. I say this for everyone. Fuck cancer. Let it be a reminder each day that life is for living.

"The Unbearable Experimentation of the Insidious Dr. Dendrobates" is different. The scenes are short, and by no means warrant 30 weeks of one-page postings. Instead, Act 1 will be presented one scene at a time from February 12th through February 23rd. Acts 2 and 3 will follow in March and April. Laugh at Yourself First goes back to normal weekly postings after that, but “The Vampire of Doom City” has been updated daily since January 1st. Some of you may even think you have the story figured out. Let me know your theories and I will post them on Print is Better. Develop your own at regularcrazy.blogspot.com.

If you’re here with me in Binghamton, Nuge is on the loose! Friday, Nuge debuted “The Theme to That Movie: RED DAWN” first at RiverRead’s open mic, then at the Blot Spot with the Genital Holograms. If you happen to be among the few that enjoy bizarre twisting soundscapes, I highly recommend. Come see me do VOTE NUGE February 22nd-26 at the ART Mission Theater before the 7:30 shows. Prizes, give-aways, and your chance to be immortalized in the Nuge video we’re recording. It's free with movie admission. We’re hoping to have the new movie with the Dude. The original TTFTM:RD, written by myself and Brett Tribe, can be found with a Google search. Thanks for reading.

-Paul
printisbetter.blogspot.com