Updated front page links.
Updated Danglehorn.
Updated Contact page with submission guidelines.
Updated Laugh at Yourself First
Sunday, September 9, 2012
Tuesday, September 4, 2012
Thursday, August 30, 2012
Tuesday, July 31, 2012
Thursday, July 5, 2012
Saturday, June 16, 2012
Danglehorn Arrives August 1
Ka’s mother is Matriarch over all the elephants in the Valley, and one day Ka will be Matriarch herself. Ra is a rhinocerous whose family has been chased from their home. On the banks of the Cold River grow the thistles and thorns Ra and his family like best, but the elephants regard this land as sacred. Ra and Ka must learn to overcome their differences and work together to protect their land and food from an even greater threat.
Thursday, June 7, 2012
Upcoming Events
August 13, 1-3pm, Paul Juser will be signing his book, "Danglehorn" at the Green Toad Bookstore, Oneonta NY.
Call For Submissions: Use the contact form for Laugh at Yourself First submission guidelines.
Call For Submissions: Use the contact form for Laugh at Yourself First submission guidelines.
Friday, August 26, 2011
printisbetter 5
Read "The Salvation Shark," and more short fiction, scripts, and very little poetry at Laugh at Yourself First.
printisbetter.com
The rental car was paid in advance for a weekend in Columbus visiting hipster craft shops, photographing murals and graffiti and checking out galleries. In line in front of us at Budget were a couple that were not allowed to rent the car they'd already paid for. The slurring attendant was smug about his refusal. The previous weekend, when my friend arrived to collect the moving truck he'd rented from Budget, they didn't have it for him. When it came our turn to get our keys, Budget wouldn't give us our car either. The moral of the story is, if you rent from Budget Auto, you probably won't get your car. Instead we were told to call a number from the website to be refunded. The attendants didn't have this number, and I didn't have time to look it up for them. Instead, my ladyfriend and I drove a white pickup truck that was bigger than any vehicle I'd ever driven but a Uhaul (Uhaul was happy to give me the truck I'd rented).
Around a wedding reception Saturday night, we saw as much of High Street as we could, so keep an eye out for printisbetter bookmarks. On Sunday, we made a second attempt to eat at North Star Cafe, having come the night before a few minutes after closing. When we stepped inside, we thought we'd gone through the wrong door to a takeout line, and stepped back out to go for table service. We were stopped by a man that claimed to be an employee on his night off, and didn't want to see us leave due to a line. He offered to take care of our entire food bill. I assumed this was the same joke that was frequently played at the restaurant I worked at, but at least we now knew we'd gone through the correct door in the first place.
Inside, the man in the blue shirt was in the kitchen talking with the cooks and line workers, so I mentioned his offer when it was our turn to order line. Turns out we'd spoken with the owner, not an employee. Everything but our alcohol was free, I ordered an Anchor Porter. Our server tried to persuade me instead to enjoy an homemade ginger ale, which would also be free. I hate ginger ale, and I love Anchor Porter, but I accepted both at his urging. The ginger ale was homemade, after all. It was very good ginger ale, but the beer was better, and the food was delicious. I didn't have any cash to tip, and the receipt had no place to tip by card. Gratuity was included, so we bought a flat bread pizza to eat at the hotel later. If you go through Columbus, make sure to try Northstar Cafe. If you're here with me in Binghamton, you can get printisbetter bookmarks at the ART Mission Theater, RiverRead Books, or by emailing me at printisbetter.com. Thanks for reading.
-Paul
printisbetter.com
printisbetter.com
The rental car was paid in advance for a weekend in Columbus visiting hipster craft shops, photographing murals and graffiti and checking out galleries. In line in front of us at Budget were a couple that were not allowed to rent the car they'd already paid for. The slurring attendant was smug about his refusal. The previous weekend, when my friend arrived to collect the moving truck he'd rented from Budget, they didn't have it for him. When it came our turn to get our keys, Budget wouldn't give us our car either. The moral of the story is, if you rent from Budget Auto, you probably won't get your car. Instead we were told to call a number from the website to be refunded. The attendants didn't have this number, and I didn't have time to look it up for them. Instead, my ladyfriend and I drove a white pickup truck that was bigger than any vehicle I'd ever driven but a Uhaul (Uhaul was happy to give me the truck I'd rented).
Around a wedding reception Saturday night, we saw as much of High Street as we could, so keep an eye out for printisbetter bookmarks. On Sunday, we made a second attempt to eat at North Star Cafe, having come the night before a few minutes after closing. When we stepped inside, we thought we'd gone through the wrong door to a takeout line, and stepped back out to go for table service. We were stopped by a man that claimed to be an employee on his night off, and didn't want to see us leave due to a line. He offered to take care of our entire food bill. I assumed this was the same joke that was frequently played at the restaurant I worked at, but at least we now knew we'd gone through the correct door in the first place.
Inside, the man in the blue shirt was in the kitchen talking with the cooks and line workers, so I mentioned his offer when it was our turn to order line. Turns out we'd spoken with the owner, not an employee. Everything but our alcohol was free, I ordered an Anchor Porter. Our server tried to persuade me instead to enjoy an homemade ginger ale, which would also be free. I hate ginger ale, and I love Anchor Porter, but I accepted both at his urging. The ginger ale was homemade, after all. It was very good ginger ale, but the beer was better, and the food was delicious. I didn't have any cash to tip, and the receipt had no place to tip by card. Gratuity was included, so we bought a flat bread pizza to eat at the hotel later. If you go through Columbus, make sure to try Northstar Cafe. If you're here with me in Binghamton, you can get printisbetter bookmarks at the ART Mission Theater, RiverRead Books, or by emailing me at printisbetter.com. Thanks for reading.
-Paul
printisbetter.com
Thursday, August 4, 2011
printisbetter 4
Read “Doom City,” and more short fiction, scripts, and very little poetry at Laugh at Yourself First.
printisbetter.com
Am I the only rational person hoping Michelle Bachman is nominated for President? For starters, she’s the only candidate I’m confident President Suckerpunch can beat. Can you imagine the crazy Bachman and her closeted nancy-pants husband would unleash trying to 'pray away the gay' for the whole country? John Cleese and Michael Palin couldn’t write better comedy. A popular social media site I belong to asked me to sign a card for the President’s 50th. I told him I still can’t understand how legalizing whaling would help end whaling, and that I was happy the Gulf oil spill happened to prevent him from opening oil drilling on the East Coast. Even though I promised to vote Nader in 2012, the President's staff still asked me to volunteer. Anyone out there looking for Nuge to dip his toes in the political waters again? I still have the hat, and I can grow the moustache again.
If you’re here with me in Binghamton, Talia Moore put together a wonderful art & theater expo last weekend. I was there to table for the ART Mission and watch my ladyfriend in a panel discussion on the local art scene. The event featured open auditions and headshots, and I was able to catch up with many luminaries from my theatre past. Muchof event seemed made up as it went along, but considering this is exactly how I learned to produce plays, I applaud the method. Many of the attendees were children, and I couldn’t tell if the event was aimed toward them or toward the adults, but there was invaluable information for all. I hope to see this become a yearly event, and I will be happy to lend any support I can. Water Under Attack, my new collection of short stories, is available now at printisbetter.com. Ten stories for ten bucks, you can’t beat that with a stick. Trust me, I’ve tried. Thanks for reading.
-Paul
printisbetter.com
Sunday, July 24, 2011
Laugh at Yourself First: Here in This Sorrow
Read "Here in This Sorrow," and more short fiction, scripts, and very little poetry at Laugh at Yourself First.
printisbetter.com
I hope no one accuses me of not writing due to laziness. Last weekend, my character wrapped in The Demon Messenger, and 95% of the movie has been filmed. Iamhorror.com is still planning a Halloween release, so look for us on iTunes and Netflix, and I'll keep you posted on the big screens that will have my weirdbeard. I was in this movie because I wanted to be in a monster movie, but as the story took shape, it became such a part of me that I practically forgot about the monster until the weekend it was on set. Between movie and Day Job, only the power of cupcakes was keeping me awake at that point. I was only meat in this movie, but getting to watch another writer's process was great for me. Thanks to Doug Bush and Ted Nappi for letting me be a part of this.
If you're here with me in Binghamton, you'll probably recognize many veterans of the local stages, including my great friends Brian Nayor and Dave Merrill. As you've noted, I'm a notorious misspeller and worse editor, and when Dave was in several of my plays I gave him a new name in almost every program. I hope he's forgiven me, because he was always one of the most fun people to have on set, and it was great to work with him again. I was also able to face off against my childhood hero, Marquis de Blood of the horror-rock band, Others, and Horror-Punks.com who has been kicking me in the chest or hit me with his guitar since his punk band, Abalienation, back when I was a little kid. printisbetter.com is active now, and Water Under Attack, and Salvation Shark Vol 2 are both nearly complete and should be online in a few weeks. Thanks for reading.
-Paul
printisbetter.com
Thursday, June 30, 2011
printisbetter 2
Read "The Salvation Shark," and more short fiction, scripts, and very little poetry at Laugh at Yourself First.
pauljuser.blogspot.com
I've been lax on writing printisbetter the last month or so, but only because all of my free time has been going into the website. The official launch is July 10th, but you can go sneak a peek right now. If you're here with me in Binghamton, that is only a day after my show, "How to Win at Bowling," by the ART Mission Playwright Group. You can find more information about that show, and a picture of a giant gnome, if you visit www.printisbetter.com. If you come to First Friday, look for me passing out the first flyers and posters to carry the name, www.printisbetter.com. If you can't make it, drop me a line and I'll send them to you or your local bookstore along with any other promo schwag I've got laying around my desk.
My new short story collection, Water Under Attack is in the final stages of review. It arrives on the heels of a moratorium in New York State that expires July 1st. Governor Cuomo got into office cuddling with clean water people, but as that clock form the Iron Maiden song continues counting, Cuomo won't take sides. Albany corruption is the family business for this man, and he wants to squeeze whatever dollars he can from whichever side will pay more. The Obamas, Bushes, Cuomos and bin Ladens are all cut from the same mold, career politicians with no regard to the lives lost to their blunders. Come get a look at New York while you can, our motto won't be "I Love New York" much longer. Thanks for reading.
-Paul
www.printisbetter.com
pauljuser.blogspot.com
I've been lax on writing printisbetter the last month or so, but only because all of my free time has been going into the website. The official launch is July 10th, but you can go sneak a peek right now. If you're here with me in Binghamton, that is only a day after my show, "How to Win at Bowling," by the ART Mission Playwright Group. You can find more information about that show, and a picture of a giant gnome, if you visit www.printisbetter.com. If you come to First Friday, look for me passing out the first flyers and posters to carry the name, www.printisbetter.com. If you can't make it, drop me a line and I'll send them to you or your local bookstore along with any other promo schwag I've got laying around my desk.
My new short story collection, Water Under Attack is in the final stages of review. It arrives on the heels of a moratorium in New York State that expires July 1st. Governor Cuomo got into office cuddling with clean water people, but as that clock form the Iron Maiden song continues counting, Cuomo won't take sides. Albany corruption is the family business for this man, and he wants to squeeze whatever dollars he can from whichever side will pay more. The Obamas, Bushes, Cuomos and bin Ladens are all cut from the same mold, career politicians with no regard to the lives lost to their blunders. Come get a look at New York while you can, our motto won't be "I Love New York" much longer. Thanks for reading.
-Paul
www.printisbetter.com
Friday, June 17, 2011
printisbetter 1
Read "Here in This Sorrow," and more short fiction, scripts, and very little poetry at Laugh at Yourself First.
printisbetter.comI wrote a great printisbetter a few weeks ago about my adventure for a new phone, but I haven't had time to sit down and edit. First and foremost, I'm proud to announce that Ricki Scordino of EverTech High School was awarded the first Matthew Juser Memorial Scholarship. I made a vow not to read any entries until after the scholarship was awarded, so I am now looking forward to reading her short story, Sadie. One of the judges, the man who taught me everything I know about writing, said of Ricki's Story, "[the] author knows how to tell a convincing story. She's credibly developed her character, has a firm grasp of suspenseful control, exclusively dramatizes only what's important, and brings her reader, as participating observer, into a richly created realm... Welcome to Sadie's author on joining the esteemed ranks of exciting writers." Congratulations Ricki, my family thanks you for your participation.
If you are here with me in Binghamton, you will shortly be able to attend a reading of Ricki's short story as well. Details will follow, and you will be able to read about them on the newly launched printisbetter.com, which has links to both the printisbetter and Laugh at Yourself First, and for anyone interested in purchasing one of my printed books, links to their checkouts as well. The site will be updated frequently, so check back often. There will at least be a new Laugh at Yourself First every week, with chapters of the Salvation Shark continuing through the end of the year. Last week we started shooting D A Bush's The Demon Messenger. I found out last night, I won't need to shave my chest for my as-close-to-nude-as-you-are-likely-to-see-me scene, which in low light will make me virtually indistinguishable from the monster. Don't forget to visit printisbetter.com today. Thanks for reading.
-Paul
printisbetter.com
Friday, May 27, 2011
Laugh at Yourself First: Here in This Sorrow, Chapter 4
Read Here in This Sorrow, and more short fiction, scripts, and very little poetry at Laugh at Yourself First.
pauljuser.blogspot.com
The world didn't end. Anytime I'm convinced an event will not occur, there is a sure-fire chance it will, so I was significantly worried. Ten years ago, I counted coins for a vending company and worked with a member of the cult, who lamented he'd never see the Alaska quarter. That's when I knew the jig was up on this Apocalypse. You have to admire the ingenuity, renting bill-boards and RV's to spread the message. I was surprised you even heard of it. Unfortunately, Campy didn't learn the mistakes of "Bob," and reading the date upside down on the Napkin. The actual end of the world took place November 5th, 520AD, but possibly BC.
If you're here with me in Binghamton, you've known for some time that time is already over. Our windows are boarded, our sidewalks are broken, and our floors are collapsing underneath us. Don't worry, rest of the world, you learn to live with it. You have to make the best of your situation. I received my script last night for The Demon Messenger, by D A Bush. We are shooting next month, with expectations to have the movie ready by Halloween. The movie also features Marquis of the horror band Others and HORROR-PUNKS.com. H-P published "Tales of Madness & the Macabre," featuring my short story, "K'Tloo." You may think I've gone book-crazy, and maybe you're right. I'm putting the finishing touches on bringing Laugh at Yourself First to paper, which will be followed by the second half of The Salvation Shark. Thanks for reading.
-Paul
printisbetter.blogspot.com
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Laugh at Yourself First: The Salvation Shark, Chapter 43
Read "The Salvation Shark" and more short fiction, scripts, and very little poetry at Laugh at Yourself First.
pauljuser.blogspot.com
It's a sad day, ladies and gentlemen, but one I always knew would arrive. After 2 years of updates, this may be the last email sent from the Laugh at Yourself First FaceBook group. Granted, it's probably the result of people like me, who clutter you inbox each week (or two) with inane diatribes about my whacko political views or stories from the strange place I live. The old groups are going the way of the dinosaur, and if I choose to continue, I will need to start with new members that I can't email when you rejoin.
That is all the better for you, because if you read this from your email, you miss all the images and easter eggs I include on the blog for your additional edutainment. Apparently one time the Wikipedia page for Party Mayor Matt Ryan of Binghamton stated his private dream was to get drunk and punch a Brontosaurus in the face. Everyone knows there is no such thing as Brontosaurus!
If you're here with me in Binghamton, you can find my books and posters at RiverRead Books, and other stores and cafes around town. If you can't travel here by car, I'd be happy to send some to you. Don't want to give your address to some crazy kid in Upstate, NY? Send me the address of your local bookstore and I will mail to them instead. My copy of the Salvation Shark arrived this week, and I couldn't be happier, and I am looking for stores to carry it. As always, Laugh at Yourself First is updated weekly. Becki and Lazarus arrive in New York City this week in The Salvation Shark. Thanks for reading.
-Paul
printisbetter.blogspot.com
By the way, I thought I was making up the word 'edu-tainment' when I wrote it. Let the record show I am not responsible.
Monday, May 2, 2011
Laugh at Yourself First: Sweet Chastity in Wonderland
Read "Sweet Chastity in Wonderland," and more short fiction, scripts, and very little poetry at Laugh at Yourself First.
pauljuser.blogspot.com
What I'm about to say goes against every fiber of my being: we need more censorship. Through all my years growing up, the FCC and the PMRC battled to keep down everything cool. All my Slayer albums were infected with ugly PARENTAL ADVISORY stickers. Luckily, I looked 20 from the time I was 15, so I never needed anyone to buy those records for me. When I was 16, I bought my first GWAR CD. I've only gone to see GWAR six times, but always made sure to be as blood-soaked as possible by the end. I greatly regret I didn't become a fan of GG Allin until two years after his death. I'll leave you to look up for yourself what happened at his shows, but I cannot be called a prude.
If you're here with me in Binghamton, you might have been at the gym with me a few weeks ago when an episode of 'Teen Mom' was on the TV by the bike. I had either Bad Religion or William S Burroughs reading Junky on my headphones, so I didn't hear, but I noticed none of the stars wore red letters pinned to their clothing. At the checkout counter in the grocery store the next day, I recognized every girl on the cover of a magazine. When I started the Salvation Shark, Brittany Spears was popular. You may not remember her, I haven't heard a word about her in a year or more, but I get most of my news from forteantimes.com. Brit is the girl in the pictures of Becki, I gave my character a better background than some Alabama trailer park.
In those days, Spears was considered an amoral corrupter, but now her antics are no more offensive than when Axl Rose swears. Shame on you, television, your integrity is gone. Anyone can find their place at the top by displaying themselves at their worst. I believe entertainment should be free to anyone capable of understanding the difference between fantasy and reality, regardless of their age. If no one gets hurt, do as Thou wilt. This type of censorship can only come from inside each individual person saying, "We are better than this crap." The Salvation Shark is out now in hardcover. Thanks for reading.
-Paul
printisbetter.blogspot.com
pauljuser.blogspot.com
What I'm about to say goes against every fiber of my being: we need more censorship. Through all my years growing up, the FCC and the PMRC battled to keep down everything cool. All my Slayer albums were infected with ugly PARENTAL ADVISORY stickers. Luckily, I looked 20 from the time I was 15, so I never needed anyone to buy those records for me. When I was 16, I bought my first GWAR CD. I've only gone to see GWAR six times, but always made sure to be as blood-soaked as possible by the end. I greatly regret I didn't become a fan of GG Allin until two years after his death. I'll leave you to look up for yourself what happened at his shows, but I cannot be called a prude.
If you're here with me in Binghamton, you might have been at the gym with me a few weeks ago when an episode of 'Teen Mom' was on the TV by the bike. I had either Bad Religion or William S Burroughs reading Junky on my headphones, so I didn't hear, but I noticed none of the stars wore red letters pinned to their clothing. At the checkout counter in the grocery store the next day, I recognized every girl on the cover of a magazine. When I started the Salvation Shark, Brittany Spears was popular. You may not remember her, I haven't heard a word about her in a year or more, but I get most of my news from forteantimes.com. Brit is the girl in the pictures of Becki, I gave my character a better background than some Alabama trailer park.
In those days, Spears was considered an amoral corrupter, but now her antics are no more offensive than when Axl Rose swears. Shame on you, television, your integrity is gone. Anyone can find their place at the top by displaying themselves at their worst. I believe entertainment should be free to anyone capable of understanding the difference between fantasy and reality, regardless of their age. If no one gets hurt, do as Thou wilt. This type of censorship can only come from inside each individual person saying, "We are better than this crap." The Salvation Shark is out now in hardcover. Thanks for reading.
-Paul
printisbetter.blogspot.com
Monday, April 25, 2011
Laugh at Yourself First: The Salvation Shark
Read, "The Salvation Shark," and more short fiction, scripts, and very little poetry at Laugh at Yourself First.
pauljuser.blogspot.com
Last month, I offered readers a free Salvation Shark poster for reading Chapter 40. I didn't exactly follow up to make sure, and there was no written exam to prove anyone read or absorbed the text I posted. I'm sure some people just said, "Oh! Free poster," and abused my generosity. Others were wary, and who can blame them? Today I say I'm giving out free posters, tomorrow I'm on your doorstep with an axe. I wouldn't send me my address either. To the best of my knowledge however, everyone that sent me their address is still alive, and if they are not, I had nothing to do with it.
If you're here with me in Binghamton, it's easy enough to find one of these posters without divulging any sensitive material to me. Not only does RiverRead Books carry my books, but I leave bookmarks and flyers there as well. You can also pull one off a wall or bulletin board, I usually leave extra. If you are elsewhere in the US, I have a solution for you as well. Send me the address of your bookstore, and I will send a poster with your name on it. You don't care if I show up on their doorstep, they always give you a hard time when you ask for more half & half with your coffee. The first Salvation Shark hardcover should be ready by the end of the month. Thanks for reading.
-Paul
pauljuser.blogspot.com
Last month, I offered readers a free Salvation Shark poster for reading Chapter 40. I didn't exactly follow up to make sure, and there was no written exam to prove anyone read or absorbed the text I posted. I'm sure some people just said, "Oh! Free poster," and abused my generosity. Others were wary, and who can blame them? Today I say I'm giving out free posters, tomorrow I'm on your doorstep with an axe. I wouldn't send me my address either. To the best of my knowledge however, everyone that sent me their address is still alive, and if they are not, I had nothing to do with it.
If you're here with me in Binghamton, it's easy enough to find one of these posters without divulging any sensitive material to me. Not only does RiverRead Books carry my books, but I leave bookmarks and flyers there as well. You can also pull one off a wall or bulletin board, I usually leave extra. If you are elsewhere in the US, I have a solution for you as well. Send me the address of your bookstore, and I will send a poster with your name on it. You don't care if I show up on their doorstep, they always give you a hard time when you ask for more half & half with your coffee. The first Salvation Shark hardcover should be ready by the end of the month. Thanks for reading.
-Paul
Saturday, April 23, 2011
Monday, April 11, 2011
Laugh at Yourself First: The Witch King's Sword
Read "The Witch King's Sword," and more short fiction, scripts, and very little poetry at Laugh at Yourself First.
pauljuser.blogspot.com
If you're here with me in Binghamton, you know it's illegal to talk on your cell phone while operating a motor vehicle in New York State. This goes for car, truck, bus, tractor, or tractor trailer. I fell afoul of the rule last week when a Broome County Sheriff observed me with a phone to my ear. The case is still in the courts, so I make no comment on my guilt or innocence.
I won't say the law is without merit. A few nights ago, I followed a tear-drop-blue Prius that ran from 35 to 50 through a series of 55mph-no-passing zones. When I was finally able to get around, the girl at the wheel was gabbing with no abandon. It should be illegal for her to talk while driving. I am making the claim I am different, but I am not alone. Some weeks I spend more than a day's worth of time at the wheel. I can do a great many things without distraction, from running lines for a play to eating a three-course breakfast.
I propose a point system, with motorists calling a number to report irresponsible drivers. Using new license plate scanning technology employed by New York State police, this should be easy. Drivers with three or more complaints can be identified from a distance, and stopped if they are talking on the phone, shaving, reading the paper, or have their heads below the console finding a CD. The rest of us can go about our business. I do agree that texting should remain illegal, for anyone who doesn't know to keep it below the door panels. Thanks for reading.
-Paul
printisbetter.blogspot.com
pauljuser.blogspot.com
If you're here with me in Binghamton, you know it's illegal to talk on your cell phone while operating a motor vehicle in New York State. This goes for car, truck, bus, tractor, or tractor trailer. I fell afoul of the rule last week when a Broome County Sheriff observed me with a phone to my ear. The case is still in the courts, so I make no comment on my guilt or innocence.
I won't say the law is without merit. A few nights ago, I followed a tear-drop-blue Prius that ran from 35 to 50 through a series of 55mph-no-passing zones. When I was finally able to get around, the girl at the wheel was gabbing with no abandon. It should be illegal for her to talk while driving. I am making the claim I am different, but I am not alone. Some weeks I spend more than a day's worth of time at the wheel. I can do a great many things without distraction, from running lines for a play to eating a three-course breakfast.
I propose a point system, with motorists calling a number to report irresponsible drivers. Using new license plate scanning technology employed by New York State police, this should be easy. Drivers with three or more complaints can be identified from a distance, and stopped if they are talking on the phone, shaving, reading the paper, or have their heads below the console finding a CD. The rest of us can go about our business. I do agree that texting should remain illegal, for anyone who doesn't know to keep it below the door panels. Thanks for reading.
-Paul
printisbetter.blogspot.com
Friday, April 1, 2011
Laugh at Yourself First: K'Tloo
See a preview of "K'Tloo" and more short fiction, scripts, and very little poetry at Laugh at Yourself First.
pauljuser.blogspot.com
As some of you may have noticed, last week was Print is Better 100. For two years now, I've been stuffing your mailbox with these trite rants about world politics and weather in Upstate, NY. The response has been overwhelming: REMOVE ME FROM ALL MAILING LISTS! I would like to thank everyone who made this possible, and all the people who have enjoyed what I've done on Regular Crazy, the Original Geeks Podcast, and Laugh at Yourself First. Chapter 39 of the Salvation Shark posted this week, as well as a sneak preview of a short story called "K'Tloo" that will appear this summer in "Tales of Madness & Macabre Vol II." The new episode of The Witch King's Sword posts April 15th at Laugh at Yourself First.
If you're here with me in Binghamton, we have accolades to celebrate! Fifth most depressing city in the whole country, according to Business Insider magazine. Many in the news media were shocked to discover that only Buffalo, two cities in Ohio, and Flint-Roger-And-Me-Michigan make their residents want to die more. Don't get me wrong, we have almost constant cloud-cover, but enough light always comes through in the afternoon that everyone can see the abandoned buildings and boarded windows in the heart of downtown. Even in the dimmest street lamp you can still step around the garbage on the sidewalks and streets, and avoid nearly every puddle of frat-boy urine on your way to city hall. If there is anyone not embarrassed by the awful condition of this city, they should be locked in the mental asylum that lords over our skyline. I've been through all the other cities on that list, and it's nothing to be proud of for us to be better. Let this be a wakeup call, Binghamton. Thanks for reading.
-Paul
printisbetter.blogspot.com
pauljuser.blogspot.com
As some of you may have noticed, last week was Print is Better 100. For two years now, I've been stuffing your mailbox with these trite rants about world politics and weather in Upstate, NY. The response has been overwhelming: REMOVE ME FROM ALL MAILING LISTS! I would like to thank everyone who made this possible, and all the people who have enjoyed what I've done on Regular Crazy, the Original Geeks Podcast, and Laugh at Yourself First. Chapter 39 of the Salvation Shark posted this week, as well as a sneak preview of a short story called "K'Tloo" that will appear this summer in "Tales of Madness & Macabre Vol II." The new episode of The Witch King's Sword posts April 15th at Laugh at Yourself First.
If you're here with me in Binghamton, we have accolades to celebrate! Fifth most depressing city in the whole country, according to Business Insider magazine. Many in the news media were shocked to discover that only Buffalo, two cities in Ohio, and Flint-Roger-And-Me-Michigan make their residents want to die more. Don't get me wrong, we have almost constant cloud-cover, but enough light always comes through in the afternoon that everyone can see the abandoned buildings and boarded windows in the heart of downtown. Even in the dimmest street lamp you can still step around the garbage on the sidewalks and streets, and avoid nearly every puddle of frat-boy urine on your way to city hall. If there is anyone not embarrassed by the awful condition of this city, they should be locked in the mental asylum that lords over our skyline. I've been through all the other cities on that list, and it's nothing to be proud of for us to be better. Let this be a wakeup call, Binghamton. Thanks for reading.
-Paul
printisbetter.blogspot.com
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Print is Better 100
Read "The Salvation Shark," and more short fiction, scripts, and very little poetry at Laugh at Yourself First.pauljuser.blogspot.com
If you're here with me in Binghamton, 100 years ago, some of our most famous residents were the kin of Dr. Kilmer. The family business was hawking "Swamp Root," one of the most notorious snake-oils in history. It was a stinking broth of mostly alcohol and a few other undisclosed ingredients that did almost nothing but rot the liver. While the patent medicine is still available today, production was all but shut down by the Pure Food and Drug Act. Willis Sharpe Kilmer stole the family fortune from under his uncle, the original "Doctor," and used it to branch into the newspaper business and horse breeding. Willis and his father built the triangular building on Chenengo Street as well as what was for many years the tallest building in the city. Kilmer was a name known around the world for duplicity and corruption. 'Round these parts, we revere the man as a scion.
There is a new restaurant in the triangular building. It's called 'Remlik's.' Get it? That's the name for the family horse farm in Virginia that is synonymous with animal abuse. They breed only winners. I probably never would have gone to Remlik's myself. I've eaten at nearly all the "fine dining" lunch counters in town, and nearly all of my food has been "microwaved." I don't expect any different from Remlik's. Chances are, it will be closed in 6 months anyway. However, the last few weeks before the restaurant opened, the owner has been threatening to tow any car he finds parked for the ART Mission Theater across his parking lot. April 19th I will be performing in a comedy show at the ART Mission that I helped write. If you'd like to attend, but want to have dinner first, make sure to ask Remlik's if you can remain in the lot. You might have to move your car. If you are coming from out of town and you want my opinion, the Lost Dog Cafe is only two blocks from the theater. Maybe after that, you can see Binghamton's cowboy. We're classy! Thanks for reading.
-Paul
printisbetter.blogspot.com
There is a new restaurant in the triangular building. It's called 'Remlik's.' Get it? That's the name for the family horse farm in Virginia that is synonymous with animal abuse. They breed only winners. I probably never would have gone to Remlik's myself. I've eaten at nearly all the "fine dining" lunch counters in town, and nearly all of my food has been "microwaved." I don't expect any different from Remlik's. Chances are, it will be closed in 6 months anyway. However, the last few weeks before the restaurant opened, the owner has been threatening to tow any car he finds parked for the ART Mission Theater across his parking lot. April 19th I will be performing in a comedy show at the ART Mission that I helped write. If you'd like to attend, but want to have dinner first, make sure to ask Remlik's if you can remain in the lot. You might have to move your car. If you are coming from out of town and you want my opinion, the Lost Dog Cafe is only two blocks from the theater. Maybe after that, you can see Binghamton's cowboy. We're classy! Thanks for reading.
-Paul
printisbetter.blogspot.com
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
